TW!!! I’m sorry if this gets dark but I just needed somewhere to pour my emotions into I’m not the type of person to go to a website with like 3 people I know and the rest are strangers to rant to, so that’s how I know it’s gotten bad. I don’t feel like I can really be myself without standards or other peoples opinions changing me, I’ve lost who I really am and I don’t know how to find myself again. All everyone cares about is fitting in and I wish I didn’t have to change every aspect about myself just for one person to hate me just a *little* less then they used to. I’m tired of being called a thing, a creature a *monster* by other people for letting the mask slip just a bit, I’m barely sleeping hardly eating getting less and less social, I’m not even myself around my family only ever when I’m fully alone and at that point I’m so tired and depressed that I’m barely aware of anything, my feelings, my body, my sensations and what’s happening around me… and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve given up on being normal and fitting in when EVERYTHING about me is wrong or messed up. I’m just so. Fricking. Tired. Of. Everyone. Everything. Every little aspect of life just feels *wrong* like my life isn’t my own anymore… I wish I just could start over. Different name, different body, different people, different time. It’s just all *wrong* and that’s all I can think of at this point how I’m not me anymore just a puppet or doll for others to dress up and make stories for.
Thanks for listening.
