Ok, so, i have a phobia. Thanatophobia, its both the fear of death in general and the fear of losing friends and family to death, separation, etc, (im more of the losing part) and like probably all phobias, IT SUCKS! So, I get really attached to specific irl friends and it may be pushing their other friends apart, thats what i think, atleast. It feels like sometimes people i care about secretly hate me though thats obviously not true. i have a friend that i care about very much, we'll call her the silly seal cuz she luvs seals, and the silly seal has another friend that ill call N bcuz idk her favorite animal. Silly seal and me were playing roblox together and then N joined, and then left. Silly Seal said "whyd she leave" and then "well i do THINK she kinda hates you so.." and then i had to ask for my own sanity "should i leave...?". Seal said no, and idk why but that made me feel even worse, like im the reason im pushing them apart... even tho i know for a fact she probably meant that N MIGHT, just MIGHT hate me and that its only a possibillity, so she said no to either not upset me, or because she didnt see a reason for me to leave. Should i try to ask N if she really hates me, or stay silent about it? sorry if this was messy and you couldnt understand anything, i was slightly drunk on thanatophobia triggering when writing this. That felt good, heh.
