I recently found out my therapist has all but diagnosed me with BPD. (She has been seeing me for two and a half years now and has thought I've had it nearly the whole time, but is hesitant to diagnose me because she didn't know it could be diagnosed in minors.) Borderline tends to show up in me as dissociation, impulsive behaviors, anger issues, obsession with partners (due to a fear of being abandoned), psychosis and paranoia, and self (ouch)ing behaviors. It's a nightmare to live with, but at least I have a name for it now. Anyway, I just wanted to braindump about this somewhere. I have been paranoid for the past few years, thinking every phone call, every email, every text sent where I couldn't read or hear what was said was talking bad about me. Plotting my demise. I thought people knew every bad thing I did and weren't telling me so I could torture myself. So they could ambush me. It made me scared and angry and I acted out. Then I got obsessive over the people I acted out against because I thought they would leave me. I thought people were talking about me acting out behind my back, and I got paranoid again. It's a damn vicious cycle I can't get out of. I hate this brain, someone please lobotomize me.
