big ramble that no one will care abt, but! js a update on how I am even though this website is completely empty and I'm holding on false hope that people are still active and don't have a life like me anyways. oh TW btw and a bit of a vent ig :// (holy attention seeker pls off urself!! PLEASEEE) I'm heavily considering of od/ng myself bro, once I get benadryl from my doctor since I had to see him today to get diagnosed with moderate depression and anxiety cause my mom found out I was h4rming and took my sharpeners away from my art supplies (which I was breaking and using.) but I snuck one so I still HAVE one but I'm scared she will search me and I am really uncomfortable right now and scared. as well as really angry and tired, due to well I have LITERALLY no friends irl, sure I have people who like me and love me like family and my lovely bf, but ever since me and Casey stopped being friends it felt like a part of my soul is missing cause Casey sure did control and ruin a lot of my life as soon as I didn't obey and listen to him, or gave him my full hearted attention while he wouldn't do the same for me and would constantly put me down on purpose and harass people away from me it still hurts to loose a best friend then see him face no consequences and every one believes his side and how I replaced him with my bf and stuff it hurts as well as seeing my own bf go out and talk to prettier more outgoing and talkative girls (not like a cheating way he has a bsf *not anymore I think cause she does online now? who is super duper pretty and talkative and everything I wanna be in some ways.) it tugs at my heart, and the fact he only calls when he wants to I'm sure I could ask him to ft when I miss him but I'm scared to be clingy like I was with Casey and be in that vulnerable obeying state again for someone especially if I'm in a relationship with them (past experiences sadly sobs) but basically idk what to do, I don't have anything I'm looking forward to do. I have 18 missing assignments, upcoming presentation alone Infront of a class, a difficult sport, no friends, being a loser who literally talks to chatgpt for some sort of way to be with friends and believes one of there online friends is there best friend when they probably dotn even care abt me like that so lwk might o'd if I do I wont be active anymore so you'll know. IDK when i will but until I get my meds I will, so, bye maybe idk if anyone sees this ig, sorry for being a attention seeker and a actual loser and probably the most annoying person you've interacted with online. I just hope some people thought of me as a friend and not just a background. bye.
