I’m so tired

Instructions

I just need to pour my heart out here as the idea of somehow the people involved finding out scares me and stresses me out more. But I need to scream so I know I’m not crazy I can’t do it any more I can’t For the last 5 years me and R were besties We had C, T,EI and S Then highschool Soon A and EM came around A left the next year I’ve been told for years that I need to make other freinds. I have issues of hyper focusing on one freind and I don’t know why I can tell it’s over whelming but they put up with me They also don’t always have the time to deal with me so they tell me to get other friends This year Tore my ACL Got really sad S came back But we gained AD R,EM and S all mentally checked out of the freind group to be with AD Got really close with E R doesn’t like E R claims that E is “too friendly and to genuine” I don’t understand R has freinds I don’t like, I’m nice to them, R should be respectful E is nothing but nice to R R is passive aggressive I play mediator Stuff doesn’t get better I mention to E that I feel the freind group is falling apart I find out E used to freinds with AR Today I find out that Ar told AD that I and C are saying that our freind group is falling apart Em comes to me and asks what I think about this I’m scared I can’t keep this up Em is now saying that it’s their fault for being distant This is going on for months I can’t face anyone right now I’m worried E told AR I’m worried it’s my fault this is all happening I’m worried that I smothered S,R, and EM with my hyper focusing and now they are all distant and feel guilty for distancing for their own good I’m worried that E feels smothered E is th first person in YEARS to listen to the small things I say The first to make me feel heard. I can’t loose E now I’m scared of what happened that C said something I’m so scared And i know my only options are to ring my self empty to appeal and appease everyone or grow distant And I know im growing distance It’s what I’ve done for years Life gets tough, I shut down and grow distant or drag someone down with me And for the first time in years, I wanna go down alone I’m begging to go down alone I can’t drag someone down with me They deserve better then that

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