hi bookmarks- i'm feeling a bit under the weather today, cause like first of all, i have a sore throat and secondly, i have two other things i'm gonna tell you now. the first thing. i've always dreamt of being a writer in the future. and it's not just mindless dreaming, i've given it my all to create a base for my career in advance, by consistently writing poems, stories and books. i'm in grade 8 currently, and i'll be going to grade 9 in a few days. for grade 9, our school said that we have to choose subjects. they gave us a list of subjects to choose from in advance, and i had selected these subjects from the list: • english (first language) • hindi (second language) • spanish (third language) • english literature (MOST IMPORTANT) • biology • marine science • psychology • environmental management the main reason i was starting to love this school for the first time was because they added literature to their subject list. i was keen to see future writers like me, in a literal class, i was so excited to meet people of the same passion as me... and then? during the actual form submission time? it wasn't there. ENGLISH FREAKIN' LITERATURE. WAS NOT IN THE SUBJECT SELECTION FORM. they made a fool outta me. my mom was there while i saw that there was no literature in the form. and i... i felt a tear slip down my cheek. she didn't notice. it was my dream. my passion. my heartbeat, my life, my oxygen, my entire existence. i'd dreamed of people looking at me as an inspiration, as someone to look up to, as someone who is successful, as someone who is creatively talented... i know. there are courses outside of the school i can apply to, to study literature. but i wanted to meet other people who love literature. and you know? one of my closest friends, sheru-chan (i'll tell you more about him in another rant-), was also taking literature, just for me. i'm bloody sure he didn't want to take it up, but he took it just for me. because then we'd have two common classes, psychology and literature. but now we have just one common class, psychology. and the chances of getting in the same section is really low. i just pray to every deity out there to put me in the same section as him. now, the second thing. teamchaos broke up. yes. you heard me right. the friend group i've been talking about in all those previous rants? it's gone now. our so-called 'best friends' decided to 'leave the group' due to a 'HUGE fight'. bro. it was the tiniest fight in existence. i'm tired of telling them that friends fight. it's normal. we can still be together, teamchaos is og, but what did they say? 'nah girl, we'll all still be friends, but not in teamchaos anymore.' BRO. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. I GAVE IT MY ALL TO KEEP TEAMCHAOS TOGETHER, I GAVE IT MY ALL TO NOT LET THIS GROUP BREAK APART, and this is what you repay me with? i named teamchaos. that profile picture i'm wearing right now? the one with the stickman and money? once upon a freakin' time, all of the friend group used to wear it, using their region's currency. but now it's just me. just me, me, me, and me. no one else. everyone left. but there were people who didn't give up on it. me, shoe, seventeen, and bebu. sheru-chan did join the group before it broke up, but he left too... but i can't blame him, he was new to the friend group, and he must've felt overwhelmed by everything that was happening. if i'd have been in his place, i would've left too. but since i'm in my place, i didn't leave. because i believed in this friendship. but i guess the rest of them didn't. but yeah, we're still friends, we still talk. just not as teamchaos anymore. it's fine, i guess. just wanted to tell you all cause PHEW. there's a lot on my mind rn. - the bookmark
