Truth be told: A Poem

Instructions

A poem If your name starts with an H and I know you irl pls don't read Truth be told I'm sad Broken Depressed Tired I can't do a single thing The right way I don't know What's wrong With me But I'd rather Not find out Truth be told I'm scared Scared of everything Scared of telling people I like their hair Scared of change Scared of being wrong I make-believe brave But I'm not I'm just scared Truth be told I need help But I don't want it You can lead a horse to water But you can't make him drink What if I change What if I've already changed Truth be told I can't handle the answer I'm scared I hurt everyone Everyone would Be better off Without me But I'm scared Too scared to Do it Do what needs To be done I don't have The will I tried I've tried But it's not working God wants me to suffer Whether or not it's for some purpose Is yet to be seen But I struggle to believe That God, my God Would do this Would do all this Would hurt me Would make me hurt others So there can't be one Or at least not one the way we think I would never hurt Anyone to help Them. It's wrong Why can't He understand That. He's supposed To be there for me Help me But he doesn't He abandoned me A child he effed up From the start It's not my fault Is it For being this way It must be though My mom loves me Only out of obligation Quicker to get me on m3ds Than our dog I'm scared I could lose everything Yet I feel as though I have nothing I know there are people who care But it's all overshadowed By the all-encompassing despair I want to feel good But I can't And it hurts I'm a hypocrite Telling people not to Make bad choices when I do Truth be told, I'm done with this earth But I can't leave But I can't imagine A future that I'm in I'm stupid But smart Gullible Gas-lit like a stove Anxious mess Frozen in space But not in time The world still turns But I can't calm these nerves I find things I like And things that disgust me If God tried so hard To kick my bucket Why am I still here Nothing more than a mistake There feels like there's a hole Inside my head Like the one that I'd like to really make So I end up ---- Truth be told, I feel weightless My feet could fly But my body holds me down Now I just feel empty I, a bottle of a vacuum Just like my room It doesn't belong to me Just to a guy who hides his identity I'm not gay But I might be bi So why, oh why Does that matter I got crushes on friends Who I have no right to be crushing on I'm not good enough for them They deserve better So why can't I be better Truth be told, I'm weak I don't have the strength to carry on Nor the will to stop Just an object in motion Inertia You might think this is a fine poem but Truth be told, Everything I do has been done Everything I write inspired My life a parody Of everything I've seen No one cares Why do I I'm done I can't live like this anymore I have to leave But no matter where I run It leads back here I can't wait I can't I need to go But I can't I'm bound to earth But want to fly I hate the people Who claim to love Me but only love How I used to be Just their perception of me I'm drowning But there's no one to save me, and Maybe it's better That way