V3nting

Instructions

Hi yall. I really need to talk. So, today...my family received an email from my art teacher saying how I didn't complete my homework, having 3 weeks to complete it. The problem is when I saw that, my heart sank. This teacher said that I could have came over to the art room to complete it, and I did, so many times. I literally ate my lunch during break and spent my entire lunchtime doing my homework, only for my teacher to write a very angry email to my family. I was in complete tears. The hard-work I had poured into it and I couldn't do it at home since my family had very complicated issues at home. Honestly, I HATE the fact that I pour hard-work into a lot and still get barely anything from it. Sure, in an assessment, I'll get A+, but it's always everyone in my class who reacts differently. Some are really nice, other try their hardest to be nice even if they don't like me, but there are those who really don't like me and they'll do very annoying things... Okay, let me give a scenario to make more sense of this. Let's say I got A+ in an English test. The people who really don't like me will give me side-eyes and not even care a single bit. Now, let's say someone else got an A+. The people who don't like me, will applaude to only them and sometimes give them cheers and woops. And when I tell people this, they always say: "Don't care about what other people think." BUT HOW CAN I DO THAT WHEN I'M WITH THEM FOR 8 HOURS FROM MONDAY TO FRIDAY!? Honestly, environment seriously affects me, especially for someone with HSP. Now, every single day, I will contemplate in my sleep what everyone else will think about me and I sometimes wish that I never, ever woken up from that bed. I sometimes even imagine people's reactions if I was gone. They'd feel bad, act in complete shock and not care the next day... I sometimes just want to let go of all the weight I'm carrying and that I have carried. I wish I could just have a couple of minutes and tell them all about this. But I can't. I felt that going into secondary school I could turn over a new leaf, but instead that leaf shrivelled up instantly. And annoyingly enough, I always need perfection. If I don't...it get bad. So, every time I earn those As or A+s...I always feel like I'm going to cry.