eugh i feel like a bum lately general-wise I keep viewing my original characters through the brainrotted lenses of their similarities to existing (fandom) ones. Comparing them to others it’s like I can’t come up with anything original, just juvenile and pretentious or trying too hard to be edgy. It feels like a good summary of my mood. I’m flip-flopping between milquetoast and snarky. Every other little thing my parents do annoys me. I feel guilty that I’d rather just not have them close during the day?? Dumb things like coming home from work early, leaving the door open or existing in my room for too long. Then as soon as a stranger on a fanfic site looks at my stuff (which I’ve been procrastinating on for weeks because suddenly writing random trivia and analyses of character relationships and whining what I’d fix in canon suddenly became more enjoyable than… yk, molding it all into actual shareable content that moves any semblance of plot forward) I flip and hold back the urge to immediately edit to the point of apologizing for wasting the anonymous reader’s time on something not worth engaging with beyond the author’s note. I do get likes, but the silence besides that always makes me nervous. It feels clingy and parasocial and that’s got to put off more people. I pretty much outgrew Scratch (embarrassingly late, I’m aware). My interests (though not all of them obviously) are more edgy and crude now and I don’t feel right sharing them on a children’s site. Most people my age on here are old and accomplished. I don’t know how to talk to strangers. Thirteen year old me was oblivious, clumsy and cringe as heck, but an outright social butterfly to compared how I am now.
