Here's a version with actual punctuation that I (@Sappy884) edited. Duckyandtoober, tell me what you think of this. This is what @duckyandtoober wrote: This is a preview to a story that I (duckyandtoober) am writing. This is NOT a game. If you think that I should continue writing it, please tell me. also if you have a better name for it please tell me. (I'm bad at writing) (@Sappy884's edited version--third person POV): The Chickens That Fought Back PROLOGUE There were once some chickens that lived in a spacious condo in the suburban area of a city. They had everything that they could ask for, sublime food, water with lemons or cucumber in it, and more than enough nesting boxes. And as I said earlier, they live in a condo. A CONDO. So as you can probably guess these chickens had it easy. The chickens were: Fluffy, who was a Silkie, Bernard, a Plymouth Rock Chicken, Sally, a Brown Opington, and two black Astralorps named Finn and Quinn. CHAPTER 1 One day after waking up, having some food, and laying an egg (Bernard named it 'brown egg number 119'), Bernard decided to talk about the rumors with Fluffy. She didn't exactly like Fluffy who was always fluffing her feathers, but she was the one who knew all the rumors, so she set out to find Fluffy. Bernard found Fluffy in the deluxe dirt bath. As usual, Fluffy was fluffing her feathers. Maybe Bernard thought that fluffy was too small and high pitched for her so she generally didn't associate with Fluffy. "Any new rumors, Fluffy?" She asked. "Not that I know of." Said Fluffy. "Oh." Bernard's head drooped. "Well..." Fluffy began, thinking hard, "there is one about a hawk that found a home in our neighborhood." Bernard's head snapped up. "What?!!" "Yeah, it's pretty disturbing." "I'll say! Fluffy do you know what this means?" Fluffy scratched at the dirt, pondering. "Does it mean that I can ask what it’s like to be a predator?" "NO! It means that we’re in danger of becoming cooked birds!" "Oh, that's too bad." Fluffy said, absent mindedly. "TOO BAD!?!" Bernard was horrified that Fluffy, of all chickens, would say that. She huffed. "Good bye, Fluffy. I'll see you later." "Good bye!" Said Fluffy. At least that's only a rumor, Bernard thought, and walked away. The longer Bernard thought about it, the chicken condo in which her and the other chickens lived, really didn't have any security at all. What if a fox broke in and ate her friends and maybe he even ate her?! No, she wouldn't be letting that happen. Bernard decided to call the Universal Security Systems For Birds, or USSFB for short. *Rrrriiinngg-rrriiinggg!* "Hello?" Bernard asked into the phone. "Your call is very important to us," a voice came from the other end of the phone. "We will call you back when we have the time." *Beep!* "Oh come on! Well I'll just have to call them tomorrow then." Bernard then decided to go and chill in the deluxe dirt bath, and maybe catch up with Sally there. When she got there she didn't see Sally, but she did see Finn who was in the Dirt Jacuzzi. "Hi Finn." She said, strutting over. "Hello Bernard! I was meaning to talk to you about asking for a grant to make a football watching room." Finn looked around cautiosly. "For the last time Finn, I'm not going to ask for a grant to make another silly room!" "Ok fine. Maybe we could make an observatory with a grant?" He asked hopefully. "NO. I’m not asking for a grant from the humans." She tried to do the thing where the humans crossed their arms, but it didn't work with wings. "Ok." He said, annoyance in his voice. "How much longer are you going to be in that Jacuzzi?" Bernard asked. "I'm done now," said Finn. "Ok, thanks." As Bernard got into the dirt bath she was thought about how she was going to get ahold of the USSFB, so they could set up a security system. Obviously it was going to take a long time for them to call her back, but maybe she could engineer a security system herself.
Here is a first person POV: The Chickens That Fought Back PROLOGUE There were once some chickens that lived in a spacious condo in the suburban area of a city. They had everything that they could ask for, sublime food, water with lemons or cucumber in it, and more than enough nesting boxes. And as I said earlier, they live in a condo. A CONDO. So as you can probably guess these chickens had it easy. The chickens were: Fluffy, who was a Silkie, Bernard, a Plymouth Rock Chicken, Sally, a Brown Opington, and two black Astralorps named Finn and Quinn. Today, we will see this story through a different (but very important) chickens view. This chickens name is _____ and she's a _____ chicken. CHAPTER 1 One day after waking up, having some food, and laying an egg (I named it 'brown egg number 119'), I decided to talk about the rumors with Fluffy. I don't exactly like Fluffy who is always fluffing her feathers, but she is the one who knows all the rumors, so I set out to find Fluffy. I found Fluffy in the deluxe dirt bath. As usual, Fluffy was fluffing her feathers. Y'all, don't get me wrong. I think fluffy is too small and high pitched for someone like her. That's why I generally don't associate with Fluffy. "Any new rumors, Fluffy?" I asked. "Not that I know of." Said Fluffy. "Oh." I drooped, felling super disappointed. I loved the talk about all the rumors. "Well..." Fluffy began, in serious thought, "there is one about a hawk that found a home in our neighborhood." My head snapped up. "What?!!" "Yeah, it's pretty disturbing." "I'll say! Fluffy do you know what this means?" Fluffy scratched at the dirt, pondering. "Does it mean that I can ask what it’s like to be a predator?" "NO! It means that we’re in danger of becoming cooked birds!" "Oh, that's too bad." Fluffy said, absent mindedly. "TOO BAD!?!" I, for one, am positively horrified that Fluffy, of all chickens, would say that. I huffed. "Good bye, Fluffy. I'll see you later." "Good bye!" Said Fluffy. At least that's only a rumor, I thought, as I walked away. My mind was reeling, and the longer I thought about my conversation with Fluffy, the more concerned I became. I realized that our chicken condo (the one in which all the other chickens and I lived in), really didn't have any security at all. What if a fox broke in and ate my friends and maybe the fox even ate me?! No. I am NOT letting that happen. Back at the condo, I decided to call the Universal Security Systems For Birds, or USSFB for short. It was the best idea I had. And possibly the safest, and smartest idea of my life. I had a feeling that this call was gonna be great. I dialed the number, and waited. *Rrrriiinngg-rrriiinggg!* "Hello?" I asked into the phone, growing more exited by the moment. "Your call is very important to us," a voice came from the other end of the phone. My hopeful level went from zero to ten. The voice continued. "We will call you back when we have the time." *Beep!* "Oh come on! Well I'll just have to call them tomorrow then." I said angrily. I decided to go and chill in the deluxe dirt bath, and maybe catch up with Sally, if she was there. When I got there, I looked around. I didn't see Sally, but I did see Finn. He was in the Dirt Jacuzzi. "Hi Finn." I said, strutting over. "Hello Bernard! I was meaning to talk to you about asking for a grant to make a football watching room." Finn looked around cautiosly. "For the last time Finn, I'm not going to ask for a grant to make another silly room!" "Ok fine. Maybe we could make an observatory with a grant?" He asked hopefully. "NO. I’m not asking for a grant from the humans." I tried to do that thing where the humans crossed their arms, but it didn't really work with wings. "Ok." He said, annoyance in his voice. "How much longer are you going to be in that Jacuzzi?" I asked. "I'm done now," said Finn. "Ok, thanks." Finn hopped out, and wandered off--probably back to the condo. As I got into the dirt bath I was thought about how I was going to get ahold of the USSFB, so they could set up a security system in our condo. Obviously it was going to take a long time for them to call me back, but maybe I could engineer a security system myself. Just a thought. And maybe, I would be the one who saved us from predators by engineering the security system.
