Lionwander never had confidence, but he had never needed it. He had always lived honestly, peacefully, and never had a reason to step out of line. It has been five moons since the nightmares started. And subsequently, it has been within a similar timeframe that Cranehymn has attached herself to Lionwander like a stubborn burr on his pelt. At first, he was okay with that. He loved his cousin, and was happy to keep her company and nurture the bond they had shared since they were kits. But then, things started getting weird... The nightmares were vivid, they felt almost real. He was running, from what he wasn't sure, until the earth would open up beneath his paws and swallowed him whole. Every night without fail, Lionwander would wake up, breathing heavily and horribly frightened. Curserenewal usually calmed him down, but now he found that he was spending less and less time with Cure. Cranehymn always seemed to show up whenever Lionwander had free time, inviting him out for a walk, or to patrol with her, or /something/. Lionwander was never one to be confrontational, but this was getting out of hand. He felt suffocated and anxious. And that only made the nightmares worse; somehow more vivid and terrorizing than before. As a result, Lionwander finds he can't sleep much this moon. He catches a wink here and there, but his insomnia has come back into full swing. He is exhausted, but sleep denies him. Late at night, he considers a walk, but he knows Cranehymn will find him. He's not in the mood to entertain. For a moment, he imagines running far away from here. Running and never looking back, abandoning everything he knows and loves. Maybe then, for a brief moment, he would be able to breathe easier. His lungs would fully expand, his head would clear, and the constant buzzing in his chest would melt away. But he only imagines it. Because Lionwander is not confident, he doesn't step out of line; he endures. No matter what, he endures everything that is thrown his way. He doesn't speak out, he doesn't express his uncertainties... He is a coward, and he knows it... But, it keeps the peace. As he curls up back in his nest, the moon shining down and illuminating the camp, he buries his face into his tail, willing himself to sleep. If only he had the guts to tell Cranehymn to leave him be. If only he was more like Curserenewal... If only he was able to fix his family before it fell apart in front of his very eyes... Perhaps... his greatest mistake.. is that he loves them too much to help them. Loves Cranehymn to much to help himself. Poor, innocent, foolish Lionwander. Too blinded by kindness to see the truth in the dark.
