It's good enough. But not enough to be good enough for me. Starlingkit SRP ✦ ✦ ✦ Trigger warnings: .1 - Body and Gender dysphoria .2 - Self hatred .3 - Development of depression* .4 - Mentions of religion & praying * Reasoning & personal plans at end ✦ ✦ ✦ Starlingkit watched the world pass her by for a few days. The world left her to rot, or so it felt. Nothing felt right, the way her fur clung to her sides so desperate to outline her bones, but not close enough to keep her alive. She wondered what the other cats would think. She wondered what it would be like, finding herself alone like this. The way eyes clung to her, the way cats respected her mother, would she ever get that? She hated herself, she hated being a girl, she wanted to change. She didn't want to change. Oh but how the idea of being nothing, but everything, called to her. She hissed at herself. Blinking, in that moment she knew, she wasn't /this/ she wasn't herself. She knew for she'd never be a girl, she'd never be the bravest, or the strongest, or the smartest, or the best medic. So what was the point? She hissed, clawing at he ground, tears running down her cheeks messily. Starlingkit knew what the problem was. She was nothing, she owed everyone nothing, and the world promised her everything. She belonged to the world she came from. They paused, gasping for breath. They took a sharp breath, it hurt. They paused, looking up, towards the stars. The stars could tell them everything, just as they had done for many moons. They crouched down, their tone begging, for anyone and no one to hear. "My stars, I know enough to get my facts right. Please spare me, I cannot do this." Leaving their head bowed, they silently contained to plead to the stars, to the ghosts and shells of the cats that we're once like them. A few moments pasted, long moments, ones that made their breath ragged and short. They sobbed, collapsing into the grass, curling into a ball. They stayed, unmoving, for a long time, before falling asleep there, in the grass besides the nursery. ✦ ✦ ✦ Starling now uses They / it / null pronouns Starling now has depression and gender dysphoria ✦ ✦ ✦ DEPRESSION REASONING To be clear, I am diagnosed with MDD and generalized depression (MDD by my therapist, generalized depression by one of the mental facilities I've stayed at) This is not trying to make Starling seem "crazy" or spread any kind of stigma, as their mental health is FULLY a reflection of my current state of mind. If you are struggling then please please please talk to a trusted adult! /SRS Starling struck me as someone who struggles with identity and religion, and I think that's SO fun to roleplay (As I struggle with that as well)! Like me, their depression will cause extreme stress, loss of appetite and weakened social battery! They are going to struggle with it the most during apprenticeship, and I will show it by them struggling at training & being unmotivated (both like myself) As they grow older, and reach 13/14 moons, that will be able to manage it, with it becoming mess less intense!
