Third track of VIVID!!!!! Ok holy word dump: [rant] Since elementary school, it feels like I´ve always been the backup friend. My best friend would fight with me all the time in 4th grade, and no matter how much I pretended not to care, I was always the one who had to apologize first; sometimes without knowing what stupid reason it was for this time. And I´m not talking a simple sorry either- I wrote entire essays! And she RIPPED ONE OF THEM UP! I´m lucky to be raised in a household with an older sister who I´d already fought with, because otherwise that would not have gone down so well... or maybe a bad thing, because I´m always a pushover at the wrong time. My friend group now is amazing; it´s really not their fault that we never have plans, I´ve just been trained not to expect much. But last year, and over the last summer, the people who I was dating took advantage of the fact that our relationship is open/poly, literally only using me for physical affection, and not telling the people that they had crushes on/were talking stage with that they were dating me. And of course if the crush finds out, they´ll blame me. ps lowkey lazy instr, very lyrical focused song
Lyrics: I laugh loud in crowded rooms might as well be an empty chair I´m the one who holds the phone you should ask why I´m still there I keep giving little pieces saving all the biggest ones for the day someone might see this Not a backup not a bet someone turning towards my side not someone they´d just forget I´m second third or 16th never top priority Am I asking for too much? to be a first thought to be held like I´m the answer and not a favor they forgot I make plans they cancel twice say next week I play along look through pictures and polaroids wonder where I might belong If i keep giving little pieces I´ll soon run out and now I doubt Who am I doing this for my mind is not worth it you´d do it Not a backup not a bet someone turning towards my side not someone you´d just forget I´m more than second place a home not just a space Am I asking for too much? to be a first thought and if I don´t know, if I don´t know I hope I won´t, hope I won´t be sad :( *Though I know you won´t care anyways (though it matters to me, though it matters to me, though it matters to me) (*) I said that isn´t everybody... There is something more In my eyes than you You would´ve known if you let me stay close. Guess it´s my fate to be an extra though always true even if i´m alone I know you don´t see the pieces of myself I sacrifice just to be your friend I´m not a backup but you´ll forget baby can´t you please be on my side though I know you ain´t winning I can be all that you need if you just take the right priorities Not a backup not a bet someone turning towards my side not something they´d just forget I´m second, third, or 16th, never top priority If blues the calmest color if that what´s you´re always saying Why do you avoid me I know you wanna be in aquamarine
