after nearly five years on this site, I have finally brought myself to leave and pursue my own personal goals. originally, I was planning to wait to leave. I had a prewritten project and everything. under the circumstances that isn't the case anymore. the idea was that I would finish tdwl on daren's part, but there were many factors to come in play which changed this. I have been struggling with mental health for as long as I can remember, yet these past few months have been unbearable for me. everything here on scratch had just been making it worse. while ive been silently struggling, I was used as an outlet for many, which genuinely irritates me. I will admit, I put this onto myself from the start, being all open to people venting and whatnot. It almost feels like its being taken advantage of and almost even expected of from me. before you all go blabbering about this, how I may seem selfish or need to see other perspectives : its not just people on scratch. it is everyone. yet, even if you do find this selfish or even arrogant I do not care. this may be shocking, but im done letting myself get walked over like how I've been. even If you haven't realized this, it is exhausting and I cannot take it anymore. I am tired of putting up a front just to talk to people. this is hardly me. you guys don't know me. I act all happy and giddy here when im not. as 'kind' as everyone may see me as im not. everything feels like it was merely a sona ive created to please everybody. I am done pretending. I know I will be viewed differently after this, but it doesn't matter to me. that is because I am not only leaving scratch, but also keeping distance from most people ive met on here. (you likely know who you guys are. if you think you might meet these qualifications don't be afraid to ask me here.) I am an entirely different person than I was when I joined scratch, and even different from who I was when I joined tdl, which feels like last week. I am not that person anymore and despise myself for even being her in the first place. I am no longer letting myself depend on some website while I have genuine goals I need to achieve. all being more important than this. I don't need any extra distractions. i am trying to fix myself and staying here is doing the absolute opposite. I have a life now and I'm not going to waste it rotting on some site as I talk to older people. it is a boundary that has been bent, but its only now I realized how uncomfortable this all makes me. I understand you cant control you're age, but please respect this decision for it is due to my own safety. to the few of you who were good, thank you. I will likely miss you guys and I think you are super amazing. you know how I feel and I apologize that I cannot write genuine paragraphs due to my lack of motivation and laziness. -eva
