me + art dump (a couple OTAs too)

Instructions

WARNING: THIS DEALS WITH SOME HEAVY TOPICS AND PERSONAL THINGS if you dont feel comfortable with this please take care of yourself and dont read this, there is still art! ok so like i feel like im a person who rarely shares about me...eh thats not quite right, i share a lot about me, but i feel like my inner thinking is something that i dont really share, and i just want to say like who i am and what makes me, and just some more info that i wouldnt necessarily just say. irl friends, pls read this, it may help with your understanding of me. table of contents cause this is gonna be a long one 1. home life 2 triggers and negative impacts on my life 3 my thoughts and inside my head 4 art here ------------ home life ------------ my family is so awesome and supportive and i cant even begin to thank them for all the things theyve done for me. first off my parents are poly and queer, my dad has a bf rn who i consider as a second dad in a way, he might move in next to us cause there is no room in our house, yet hes there 24/7. he is a furry too which is awesome! sometimes i meet my moms partners but shes not as close with them as my dad. i am incredibly close with my parents, spoiler alert im not an angsty teen or whatever emo kids are called these days. i sleep in the same room as them and occasionally in the same bad as them bc i dont have a bedroom rn, i am very busy and have little time to myself, but i like it that way, ---------------------------------------------------- triggers and negative impacts on my life ---------------------------------------------------- triggers: *so i dont like when people talk about ending themselves or anything similar. i dont love it when people talk about therapy or tell me i need to go to it Negative impacts on my life: when i was 10 ish there was an accident, and 5 people were k.lled and i knew 3 of them, bc they were in my violin school, they were 7 and 12 and their mother also died. my whole reality was shattered and i was in shock for a while, they were taken too soon. the next day, one of the kids in my circus (ive been performing circus since i was 6) when i went to tell all of them why i was sad that day said "wow 3 people died thats crazy." and i still think of that now and again bc it stuck with me too much *last year i had a really toxic friend who manipulated me into ghosting my closest friend, threatened me with / herself and encouraged me to / myself. also she hated my mom for some reason, that was probably my first red flag....i thank my mom for realizing the danger i was in and helping me through it. so i have(had?) these 2 friends that are um interesting and one of them at that time decided that they hated me and in my lowest point with that other friend decided that i was not good eough and said that i was a horrible friend and that i only cared about me and my myself, that night i cried so bad that in the morning my eyes were so puffy i could barely open them, we are tentative friends again, and the other kid is still pretty close to both of us, whenever we are together the two of them are very weird and dont like to include me. so i have this friend who i have gone through ups and downs with and there was this point where i had a crush on him and he ghosted me, but like we are besties now and i have a gf so its ok my cat died 2 years ago and he was really close to me and it was really sad and i cried a lot ------------------------------------------- my thoughts and inside my head, ------------------------------------------- idk where to start so ill talk about my ADHD, so in 3rd grade i was diagnosed with it, but my mom was like nahh you dont have it, so recently my grades have dropped from me not being able to focus in class and uh she said "i believe in your adhd now" we had a good laugh about that. i am a person who likes physical contact and hugs, if i know you irl and i have brushed my leg against yours or gotten a little close, sorry about that....i may be touch starved? but like i dont have a lack of physical contact, my family and friends are very huggy(?), i just actively crave it all the time. (is that weird? i feel like thats weird...) i just wish that i could constantly have someone to hug me or run their hands through my hair. i am a feak.....not in like the i look weird or smth way, but in the.......well, freaky way um. you probably dont want to know. i really want a collar idk im afab, uh some people know, and i suppose you can tell if im wearing a tight shirt, but otherwise i dont really share that kind of thing, i have come to terms with my body and i do like being afab mostly (i hate that time of the month tho) i generaly like dont particularly care about my chest, i just need a better skin tone binder for performing. i have a lot of friends but only one who i consider the closest to me, i still love all of yall tho. i feel like sometimes i take jokes to far