non-violent communication. a deep srp

Instructions

“you let me fall first” Deep. Deepmaelstrom. It felt weird on his tongue. It felt like a lie. Something he wasn’t quite ready for. "then you dream awake" Nightshade. Nightshadeconspiracy. It was his best friend. The name fit Shady like a glove. It was true, so so true. It echoed in every bone of Deepmaelstrom's body, torturing him with the perfectness that a name could have. Why didn't Deep have that? "i'd do anything to" Deep wanted to be perfect like that. Instead, he had been labeled a disaster among his Clan. Something that would wreck them. A maelstrom, at that. "bring you to that other place" Eyes was perfect compared to him. Nice when it had to be and vulnerable when he had to be. Coral was a lie. Dee hated lying, but it was the only way to make his art. Coral was self-obsessed, only making art that benefited himself. Coral was reckless, vandalizing and not caring whether Sorastar found out or not. "we speak so differently alone" He sighed. Bloom, Spider, Coral, Rise, what did they all mean? Walls he had put up? Something to stop the hurt from leaking in again, that terrible grieving, and the joy he had to resurrect after? “love like vincent we alone” There was no use to them, to use in that everyday conversation if they were meant to stop the pain. Because, slowly yet surely, cats had already worked their way into his life. “watch for constellations” Nightshadeconspiracy, Eternalpaw, Grandeurphantom, Coralkit, Luminescentbud, although he would never tell his mentor how much she meant to him. All of them were so kind. None of them were perfect, that was known to Dee for sure. But they were close, in his eyes. “soft like cloud formations” Tides, Nightshade had always been there. First, in the Matrix, then, in their apprenticeship, and now by his side. Yet Deep had only ever called it a friend in front of it, did Hades really know how much he meant to him? “that we’ll never leave” Something was pressing down on his chest. Did Eyes know how far Coral would go to save him? He hadn’t ever cared that much about how a cat thought of him, it was strange. He’d always wanted cats to see him as perfect, yet he wanted to appear different around him. A cat that was kind, funny and humble, although hitting all of those points was hard. It never happened, he was never enough. “much as duty calls” His heart was thundering now. Oh, for all his love of the Dark Forest, Nightshadeconspiracy /didn't/ know how much it meant to Deepmaelstrom, did he? "If I'm in over my head" He shook his head, the thoughts swirling and muddying. Debbie was going to do it. Scooping up some leaves full of paints he had kept hidden away for another project, he stepped out into the crisp, cool air outside the medic den. Slowly, he began to trace the outline of eyes in white, and added the eyes peppered over its pelt. After filling in the blank space with black, he swallowed, why was everything so big? He was Deep, more than just a malady, for the tides' sake, why was this so, so, /hard?/ "i'll swim niagara falls" Love. It hit him like a blow to the head, and sent him spinning. This, this crushing weight, it was more than just the silly feelings he heard other cats giggle about, it was tangible, held right there in his dye-stained paw. Finally making up his mind, he did something more than draw the silly hearts that others drew around the names of the cats they were crushing on. Channeling all of those masks he had put on over his apprenticeship to keep his artwork hidden, Deep was ready to step out into the light for this. For Eyes. "non-violent communication, ah" Adding little stars and constellations, trapped right from the sky onto the rock, he poured every ounce of that building energy that had accumulated over his apprenticeship into them. He added soft blue flowers framing its outline, letting the petals contrast with the inky black of its body. He took a shaky claw, and signed it. Bloom. Coral. Rise. Spider. Every single one. "non-violent communication" When it was all done, he exhaled. the biggest moment of Deepmaelstrom's life so far, not getting apprenticed, nor going to a gathering, it was confessing. And this was his confession, for the whole world to see.