Petunia’s Beloved summary aka “what if anxiety was floral-themed”: girl grows up in fancy snake religion society dreaming of becoming snake pope junior unfortunately the apocalypse begins because birds decide to start air-dropping sacred snakes onto civilians volcano also explodes because things weren't cinematic enough moves to Shadowclan and immediately starts trauma-dumping to random snakes at the border Windclan guy walks up like “hey sorry my friend here seems uncomfortable” the friend: literal snake instead of dating normally they spend approximately 700 years standing near a border teaching each other languages like the world’s slowest international exchange program Petunia’s Beloved meanwhile is out here mentally shipping everyone she sees but too shy to speak to 90% of the population adopts four children because apparently motherhood DLC activated before romance route did eventually realizes she is catastrophically bad at every warrior skill except being nice and raising children asks clan leader for advice leader essentially responds: “have you considered dying” Petunia: “i can fix this” immediately challenges authority to hand-to-hand combat despite having the combat experience of a decorative pillow gets absolutely obliterated within seconds and leaves looking like she lost a fight with a lawnmower her children think she got eaten by a bear or something her mom is one inconvenience away from committing mvrder meanwhile border boyfriend is still respectfully pining from twenty miles away YEARS pass this relationship cooks slower than a victorian roast finally visits Windclan and the man proposes IMMEDIATELY because bro has been emotionally buffering for half his lifespan Petunia’s Beloved finally realizes: “wait… perhaps my true purpose in life is not fighting” retires into her natural habitat: raising children speaking french holding snakes politely and being adored by the most patient man alive (( Oh also she quit a secret snake club she was apart of and somehow managed to be forgotten about so she isn't an outlaw with a bounty on her head (I think) ))
Art by @Rain-Whisper if you want context... just ask me lol... tho my answers might be... vague since the context left me to go get the milk feel free to try and translate/interpret what everything means lol idea creds go to for suggesting a life summary with no context and to make it sound as stupid as possible, did I succeed? Did this for Lemonhug in gens and now all my tfc chars are due one
