I've been so inactive but I want to share this entry I made in my journal. Consistency is key: be yourself :P Wanting, a very human emotion, is cruel; you’ll be holding onto petals hoping the stem comes but it just doesn’t. Yet in this process, you don’t move forward because you’ve been waiting forever just for the stem to come. We’ve all wanted to be the “best version of ourselves” at least once, right? It’s natural. I’ve spent years trying to outdo myself, to be better. The result was exhaustion. I felt like I was moulding myself into a version that didn’t feel right, that didn’t feel me. I felt like I was always competing with myself, and that pressure is unbearable. I feel like the 2023 Wonyoungism era is the epitome of this. The version of me that was barely a teenager obsessed with getting 100% on every exam, being loved by everyone, looking like Wonyoung 24/7. It never was me truly. I am not perfect and I am starting to accept this. You don’t always need to rank first in everything. You don’t always need people to be impressed when you say your name. Because at the end of the day, if you're constantly competing with yourself, how will you be able to enjoy these accomplishments? You shouldn’t be moulding yourself into a “perfect product” if it feels performative. The days where you don’t feel like being alive, the days where you make mistakes, the days that you feel ashamed of. It will all make sense because those days start the days that make you simply you. But don’t hold back under the excuse that you should just "embrace the flaws", seize the opportunity. Becoming the best version of yourself was never about changing yourself; it was all about being the version of you that reflects you as a human willing to endure, repent, and love the best.
