yep more writting. this mostly abt Itami --- Itami buried their head, the white void quiet, "Is this what you wanted?" Sirinth asked his tone not a question but in more of a demand, Itami looked in front of himself as if there was something to look at "Was it ever?" It was a sunny winter day, frosty wind blowing, bits of melted snow. A sun, without warmth. Itami sat down on the edge of the sidewalk next to Mal, ball in hand. He had always felt comfortable around him but today just felt off, like something bad was going to happen, like there was something unspoken. Itami looked at Mal, Mal looked worried, avoiding Itami's gaze. Itami gripped the ball "Is something wrong?" Mal took a short inhale and a quick exhale "…I'm moving." everything went silent, the birds stopped singing, the whistling of the wind went dead, no leave fell, no laughter in the distance. Itami stared, a wave of nausea went over him, Itami dropped the ball in their hand "What? No, you're lying. You must be… this is just some kind-" he tried to speak but Mal stopped them "Itami…", Itami gritted his teeth the silence was unbearable. Mal tried to grab Itami's hand "Listen I…" but Itami moved away, couldn't even look at Mal. Itami's body felt like it was twisted into knots, he didn't belong anymore. Itami stood up, "I… I need to go." his voice was shaky, Mal couldn't see their face but saw a tear fall onto the pavement. "Itami please… just listen." Mal started to get up but Itami was already walking away, "Itami!" Mal sprinted towards them pulling their wrist forcing them to come to a stop. "I don't want this to be my last memory with you. You're my best friend." Mal said voice dripping with guilt, a plead. Itami looked over their shoulder, "Is this what you wanted?" Itami pulled his hand away, there was words said but not needed to be spoken, "Goodbye, Mal." Itami looked away, hesitating then walking away leaving Mal. "No…" Itami answered Sirinth, "No, it wasn't…" burying his head in his knees once more. I used to belong…. It was nice. someone use say, 'To fit in you have to change yourself but to belong you can just be yourself and feel free.' I never fully got the point of it, I always thought it was foolish, after that moment… I didn't belong and I didn't want to fit in, even after he came back sort moments of joy only bringing more sorrow and pain. I never really got what I wanted, whenever I thought I did, it never fully was right. I'm just a broken record, in a web looking for flies, never full but never empty. Just a problem, just something to make everyone's lives harder. --- 'Tomorrow will be a better day' but what if there is no tomorrow, days, months, years all of that just blends into each other. I've lost count of how long it's been since the accident, but I still remember it, just on the tip of my mind… killing me from the inside, slowly.
--- I'm at fault for everything, I'm the worst of them all. I'm the start and the end. If I never opened that portal, if I never met him, it would all be normal. Looking for someone to blame? Blame me, it's all just in my head... it's all real, a real life fantasy where I am the director. I want them all to love me but I keep forcing pain onto them, death, trauma and terror... all I am worth is making others feel more pain, I only wanted a distraction... I'm not the bad guy right? I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, to everyone... It's my fault. They say it's the stars, but I am the stars but not the star. I'm the bad guy, we are... I'm so sorry for everything I've done. it felt like something was struck into my heart and I couldn't swallow for my throat was in a ball. "Maybe we'll see each other in the future… but I got to go, okay?" why could I only remember the bad moments… what about the good ones? There is so much darkness and that portal… that portal… maybe it would been better if I never met him. So I finally speak out loud "Mal…" that was his name, I've forgotten it for a long time… It would've never worked. Nothing ever worked for me. --- They don't know they are just fixing my mistakes, they are my tools and my toys. If only it wasn't so painful to throw them away. Why do I always get so attached to everyone… why can't I just let go. "…Hey…" there was a voice from the door of the stadium into backstage, Itami ignored them. "Hey, Itami?", Itami turned around "Are you allowed to be in here?" Itami turned around looking at them, then paused studying them closely "…Do I know you…?", the person didn't answer. Itami stood up "…Mal…?" Itami asked, a smile appeared on the persons face "…Hey." Itami hugged Mal in a quick tight embrace, Mal hesitating but hugged Itami back either way. "…I… I missed you so much." Itami let go, his touch lingering for a second. "I worried you didn't…" Mal looked over at the portal, "Congrats on the portal, it looks pretty amazing." Mal stared, fidgeting with his fingers. Itami turned around bringing his attention to the portal "Nah… It's just a demo, it's not that good… yet." they chuckled then looked towards Mal "Wanna go somewhere… Not boring" he forced a smile, waiting for Mal to answer. Mal nodded, "Alright, come on. I know a good taco place we can catch up at…." Itami grabbed Mal's wrist then pulled him out through the back entrance. --- Cake opened her eyes, once more. This time, there was nothing. No ringing, no voice, nothing. The star was gone. Everything was gone. She had failed. Then, there was a voice "Can I ask you something?" she looked around trying to find where it was coming from, she saw her younger self, what was going on? "Who… are you?" she tried to reach out but her hand went right through, her younger self started to morph "…may I ask again?" She asked politely, "am I dead?" The, thing hesitated to answer "Yes? But also no, it's… temporary, I couldn't save all of you, some parts of your soul, fragments are gone… well, you're dead though… very dead." it paused, it had finished changing form, "I'm Itami. You know me.. Probably, I know you." Cakes eyes widen "…I'm dead and I'm… I'm talking to you, the… the creator. Oh… oh lords… I'm really dead…" She sat down on, the floor in question. Itami asked once more "Can I ask you something?", she nodded, quietly, probably still in shock. "Why every time you got another chance… of living. You always prioritized your friends over… yourself? Why are you, always… just, why did you try and kill your friend if you always are protecting them?" Itami asked and it was quiet for a while. "….I… I never tried to kill any of my friends?" Itami tilted their head, "Is Arthoros not your friend?", she shook her head "No, no… its, complicated." then she looked up at them "Aren't you supposed to 'know everything'?" She asked confused, "…Human… … mortal, emotions are… difficult." They sounded awkward, like they were ashamed of it. "Oh, hm. I don't know why but I just wanted to… kill him, because… he hurt me." she said, staring off into the distance "…But he didn't? You attacked him unprovoked." Itami still couldn't understand, Cake bit her down on her tongue "…Mentally. You probably don't understand that either though…" her hands were clenched into fists and Itami couldn't see her face "…actually… I think I do, probably not exactly but I get it… just a little to relate." they sat down next to Cake, "I know, this is the end… but maybe you can teach me to… feel and understand you, people, more..?" Itami softy spoke, their voice was sad but it had a tone of kindness. Cake smiled a little, turning her head towards Itami "…Sure. Maybe the end isn't that…" she paused to think of what word she could use… "bad." she said taking their hand, it was warm but everything else around them, was cold. She leaned into Itami "…so, what now?" Itami leaned into Cake in response, "…I… don't, know."
