✧ Depresso ✧

Instructions

Click the Flag :D ~--=--~⚠️⚠️⚠️ !! Warnings Below !! ⚠️⚠️⚠️~--=--~ Heyo guys! What's good? I hope you are feeling better than I am. I just wanted to post about my mental health a bit, because I feel like its getting WAY out of control. ⚠️ Be aware that I may talk about things like d3ath, k1ll1ng oneself, and many more h4rmful things ⚠️ Well, recently, I've been feeling a lot more sad and I haven't been entirely sure why. I have started a new medication, that helps with my diagnosed anxiety, and I think that may be causing my 'depresso state'. That was also around the time that I found out what fading kitten syndrome was. I cannot deal at all with cats dy1ng, or being h4rmed. That whole thought hurts me. I've been also feeling quite sad that school is coming to an end, and I won't be able to see my very awesome friend in high school because they are going to move away. Also because a kid at school got sh0t from his older brother ( I don't know the kid ) and my friends have been joking around about saying that they are gonna k1ll themselves. I've been kinda sad about my cats, too. Their 2nd birthday was April 28th and it made me think about them in 16 years from now. They could be d3ad. I love them so much, more than anything in the world. The fact of my precious baby angels dy1ng is awful to me. I love them and I wont let anything bad happen to them ever. I can't. I've also been pretty scared, too. Because both of my parents had anxiety, I definitely have it too. So i'm super anxious about everything and I try to do everything right, or I feel like a failure. I have really low self-esteem and I'm trying to stay attached to this world but its pretty hard. Especially with all these weird things going on in the world. I'm kinda scared about AI, and I can't believe that AI has actually k1lled a person. That really scares me, and I don't want humanity's downfall on something that isn't truly alive. I feel disturbed with how intelligent they have become. Even the Godfather of AI is saying we should be afraid. When I sometimes call for help, I often find myself feeling alone because I hear myself echoing inside my own head. I can't hear anybody's replies because I'm worried it will be hurtful, because I've been hurt so much in my life. I try to be the best that I can be, but it never feels enough. I love music, and it really helps me calm down. Sometimes I just listen to drown out other noises, like my brother for instance, and it sometimes also helps me focus on fall asleep quicker. Music is my getaway whenever I'm stressed out, which is quite often.. I don't want to go back to therapy, but because of the medicine I'm taking, I think I'm going to have to. I don't like therapy because it was really awkward and it felt weird and I don't really like the noise blockers. If it was rain sounds instead of white noise, it might be better. I sometimes feel autistic because of how I act. I know I'm not, but I get sensory overload about once a month and I don't like super squishy stuff and I love symmetry, and I just feel autistic and kind of a perfectionist. Its also really hard for me to keep eye contact, and I'm always moving. I also kinda like the taste of clay, and my dad says that's because I was on my period at the time and I needed more minerals in my diet. ( He's a doctor ) Those are a couple of symptoms, but I know I don't have autism. I feel like I'm a mistake pretty often, because I'm always either in the way, or not where I'm supposed to be, or breaking a rule... But i've gotten used to that feeling. I know I shouldn't be, but that's how it is now. I'm also sad because some people are being quite rude and pushy to me and my friends. It feels really weird and awkward whenever that happens. I don't understand why some people just want to be rude. It's really weird and I don't like being talked rude to, because it really hurts. It would hurt anybody. I have often thought of dy1ng, or k1ll1ng myself. Not very commonly have I thought this, because I feel like this shouldn't be. I've only thought this when I'm really sad or im in big trouble or I'm really mad. I feel sad quite often, and yet again, I'm not sure why. So I feel like I've got depression, and I can't tell my parents all of this because that would be kinda weird, and I don't want to go back to therapy because that was weird.. Thank you for reading :] And please help me out a bit with this stuff if you can. Maybe just like sharing experiences...