hi guys. so, I have not wanted to share anything going on in my life on here, but I just need advice so right now I have been feeling terrible I feel mad sad and angry I don't feel like I can actually tell anyone how I feel because my step siblings don't listen or just don't care and my actually brother will just use it to make me feel even worse I'm constantly being blamed for things for stuff I didn't even do and at my school I feel like all my 'friends' are drifting away and I feel like no one actually cares and there's no one I can really talk to because I always feel like I'm inconveniencing them and they don't really help and at my school I always fake a personality and now it sounds corny to me but I make myself look tougher and that I am stable but I really am not. almost all of my old friends never talk to me anymore and the ones who do don't really talk to me and I am rotting in my bed, and I try to improve myself, but I just feel like I can't and I try to do so much to try and get people to talk to me more and want to talk to me but it never works and I get made fun of a lot and it makes me feel bad so I try to improve but I can't and my brother doesn't make it any better he makes fun of me for my weight and my looks it's so annoying I'm a nice person I'm approachable but I guess because of my weight I guess I'm less? Well now I'm starting to believe that because it seems I make everyone around me uncomfortable and I am a really affectionate person and I enjoy making people feel good even my enemies but whenever I try to show affection, they just act weird to me and I also get made fun of for being Pansexual and people look at me weird when I complement someone and my brother looks at me like I'm some disgusting monster sometimes at night I lay down thinking about the past and I just cry and I cry till I go to sleep I feel so lonely and back in the past I had a decent amount of friends who cared about me and wanted to talk to me and they would never lie to me or say something they would know I wouldn't want to hear and they at least act conformal near me and make sure I was okay if I cried because I always got bullied and it sucked but back then I felt like people enjoyed being near me and I felt happy and I felt like I can love myself even if I was bigger than others and now all but two of those friends don't talk to me anymore
