Wow, 17. Who would have thought I would have gotten here so fast. It feels like just yesterday I was 10 and posting on scratch for the first time. You know, in a world full of colors, I've felt like I haven’t been a part of that lately. I feel like I’ve lost my spark of happiness and joy over the last few months. Not completely sure if it’s related to losing my dog back in October or me having to deal with feelings for people I can’t have. Either way, I feel like I’ve been actively searching for things to be happy about rather than them happening. Sometimes they do though, but most of the time I’m doing something to make myself smile. But it doesn’t really feel good. So for my birthday, I just sat down and sketched myself. Things I like about myself and things I don’t. I recently got a job at an ice cream shop in my town, which has been nice and definitely a big change for me. I think I’m doing a good job though, I’m very proud of myself. But honestly, I feel so empty guys. I’m sorry to turn my birthday into a vent but it’s been so long. I feel like my insides are just gone and I’m just a shell wandering around the world. Everything is about college now and I keep second guessing myself and get stressed about if I’m making the right career choice and truly want to follow through. I would love to sit down and just draw gingersnap all day, but with my job and school, life sure has been busier than ever before. I really miss 2024. I miss maple. I miss being 14 and not having a care in the world and having friends to chat with and not my whole life being about how I hate myself and everything reminds me about that. Once again, sorry about turning this into a deeper project than normal, I really just need to talk/type about things to make myself feel a bit better and less weighed down. Thank you everyone for being so kind to me here on scratch over the years and giving me many memories to look back on whenever I want to remember my days with Mapletuft or even Ivy in One truth. God I miss that roleplay. Anyway, I gotta lock in and draw something other than gingersnap for once so I can get into c*llege sobb 5/25/26 edit [] lowkey I wrote all of that two weeks ago and it still stands, but I guess I'm doing a bit better. Although school is stressful and I still feel left out from being happy, I make the best of it and enjoy what I have. I've had a lot a of fun making my cake, getting to put the stupid memes on it that make me giggle and I have wonderful friends who do care about me. Although I feel like that sometimes that's not true, I really need to learn how to love myself. It's hard to do but I need to if I want to understand that life would be so much easier once you learn to do that and be proud of yourself. Lowkey just ignorw the first half lmao. Anyway, I love y'all so so much. <333 enjoy my brainrot cake Credits: Art: me Songs: I can't remember, look inside </3
