I really don't know why I acted excited, I'm not, I don't know what to expect from birthdays anymore, I think birthdays have just been ruined for me, they're not fun like they used to be, I miss inviting friends over and just talking for most of the party I basically don't have any friends anymore, the people I consider friends feel hard to talk to, I can never tell if it's me or them that's the problem, I only ever see friends at church now, which is only once a week and not even every week, now my parents want to move I'm kinda tired tbh
it hasn't been bad, I'm just not having a great time I went to a cat cafe, my dad is decorating the (yoyle)cake right now, I got toys for my cats and new clothes, my mom was acting like.. Mom again I remember two years ago I invited three friends, two of them came, at the end my mom told me that my other friend couldn't visit, ever, because he was trans, last year I got three gifts, I use them a lot, but it sucked, it was genuinely the most boring and depressing birthday ever I guess I'm just used to disappointment, or at least I should be, I act all silly online but irl I don't really show much emotion, or even feel much, because I always get my hopes up, and apparently having hopes at all is too much I think I'd rather just sleep for the rest of the day than do anything else birthday related
