Random Monologue: "Attention shoppers. This is a special announcement from the produce aisle—specifically, aisle 4, near the discounted toaster ovens. Have you ever stopped to consider the horrible decisions you make at Walmart? We come here for milk, but we leave with a 50-pound bag of potatoes, a random gift card you found in the frozen meats aisle, and a toaster you named Frank. I have been searching for the perfect spatula for three days. They are all too shiny, or not shiny enough. Well, search no more! GET A HUGE DISCOUNT WITH OUR TOP-QUALITY SPATULAS! The fluorescent lights hum a violent melody that sounds like: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Also, I am experiencing a mental breakdown because people are finding super low prices on electronics. If anyone in electronics has a price that isn't super high, please bring it to the service desk immediately so we can over-price it. Remember, GIVE US MONEY. BUY OUR STUFF. HAND OVER 7 HOURS OF YOUR LIFE SPENT SHOPPING. Or at least, buy this spatula. It’s only $2.47. Please, somebody, help me find the exit. I HAVE BEEN TRAPPED IN THIS WALMART SINCE 1980, WHICH IS LIKE A MILLION YEARS AGO. SEND HELP, And thank you for shopping at Walmart.
