The past few days I have done some careful thinking, to put it plainly. Being sick has left me fortunate enough with that spare time. My mental health has not been well whatsoever. My actions and my sense of self at this point has been driven by anxiety, and Scratch has not been much help. I have lost much meaning and motivation in just a few days, and it's left a very hopeless feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I do not know why I try anymore, and I'm finding that I feel many of my efforts are for nothing. That being said, I will be taking a small break from activity on scratch. I will still do manager things, and I suppose I will still check in from time to time, but overall I need to step back and think for a while, simply because the noise of other people's perceptions of me have overridden my own thoughts of myself. I no longer feel appreciated for anything I do, and home life has made it exponentially worse. My mother cries every day now, and my brother threatens to leave home more than I would like to admit. I do not know why I am sharing this with you, I suppose it is some sort of justification for why I am not going to be commenting on the Hive often. The Hive has taken priority over many of my passions. Art, for one, is something I seldom do anymore. Instead of being out, laughing with my friends, I am staring at a screen scrolling through numerous comments hoping none are ill-intentioned. This does not mean I care, whatsoever. It simply means that I care so much, TOO much, really, to the point the care I give has overcome the care I give for myself. And while it is important to show I am there for you all, and love you all, because I do not get nearly as much love and appreciation back (simply because I give so much. This is not a criticism of you all), I must find that love again elsewhere. I'm guessing it will be a week or two, but for that I am uncertain. All I know is I will still be accessible, and hosting as well, but I am working on putting myself and my mental and physical health first for a while. That is all I have to share for the moment. I hope that everyone is well and resting over this break, and are making some important decisions as I am. Take care, and I will see you when I see you. ciao, Xyrus.
