Hello. Im so done with my life. I don't even eat or drink anymore because I say, "Im not hungry" to avoid my parents. I hate every bit of myself besides the niceness in me. That actually gets me friends. I wanna commit. But I cant. I have friends and family that care. And I cant even buy a rope because my parents go everywhere I go. And what will they do when Im gone? And my family. And specifically my dad. Always yells at me when I make a tiny little mistake. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And always. That stupid tear runs down my cheek. And he doesn't care? Whos dad does that? And my family are Christan. What will they think when I like girls? Will they kick me out? Will they support me? WHO KNOWS. Anyways, back to me and enough about my family. You know? I am my number 1 hater. I sometimes. Maybe always. Wish I wasn't born. Why me? Out of everyone. Out of 8 BILLION people. Me. And Im glad y'all care. Everyone does. But I always. And I mean ALWAYS help people. I helped about 7 people not commit when I was 8. Maybe even 8. Or 9? I don't remember anymore. And I was suffering at that age too. And when my friends come to school. That STUPID WEIRD smile always comes. "Hi! How are you?" "Hi!" "Hello!" STOP ACTING SO NICE. WHY AM I SO NICE? THEY DONT DESERVE IT. THEY DONT DESERVE ME. sigh. I also get used almost every weekend. I used to have a Youtube channel that I wont list here. AND MY ONLINE FRIEND WAS USING ME FOR FAME. STUPID FAME. FAME. FAME. And I think Im a failure. My parents said I was an accident. A STUPID ACCIDENT. Yes, I have all As and Bs, but dealing with failure is a MELTDOWN. Even when I get a 79, I get a beating. My dad says I'm "Always too weak!" Im trying my best. Why cant I be strong.? Why do I have to be so weak? I always need my brothers, "help." At this point. Im picking that thing up and doing it to my arms. Again and again. I deserve it. People say I'm too skinny. Yes I am. Again, I barely eat. The only thing I enjoy is the school lunch where I can chat with my real friends. I dont want anyones pity about my filthy h3llhole. Im tired of being nice and happy all the time. Im done hiding. Im done overthinking what they will do to me. Im done. Im done. Im done. sigh. I am sorry for wasting your time reading. I am a failure. And I'll always be. Bye and be a better person than me. Ill post something more positive later. Bye.
