goodbye, was I bigger than the whole sky?

Instructions

Yes, it has come to this. Three years of this website’s existence in my life, and now I’m letting go. I’ve been planning this ever since August 2025 honestly, I always wanted to leave. This website had its ups and downs, it’s special placement in my life, but now it’s time to cut it out. And the fact that I’ve been begging myself to leave for ten months now is more than enough to make me let go of this site forever. I’ve always wanted to leave because of school. Of course, that has always been my predominant reason. Yesterday, I was just counting the years until college. It’s too small of a gap - I used to tell myself that a year is 365 days and that that’s a really long time, but I just now realize that the years before college are also crucial for my future. The truth is, the truth that I don’t want to admit, school is so important for us. We may not care about it that much, we may neglect our duties, we may not care about what adults warn us about, but I do. I’m going into a point in my life where school is serious. Extremely serious. It all sounds too scary, too surreal, but it’s true. You only live once, I’m not about to let scratch ruin my one chance at a good life. If I don’t study and work hard, how do I expect to get a job and earn that cash to buy my needs? Everyone always insults someone who loves money, but they have a point. If we don’t use our money wisely, we may have none left and you’ll go through hardship. I want to study, make my chances of going to Harvard higher, pay attention in class, do good in school so that I can grow up, get a job that pays good money, be successful in life, and yes, if I have to sacrifice one childhood hobby to live a good life then I will. Because I’m not letting scratch distract me from school. I know, maybe I can cut time off scratch, take breaks, but the truth is I’m losing interest and motivation in scratch. The old me, who loved scratch, posted a million projects a day, is no longer here anymore. Scratch used to be fun, I used to post silly doodles that I actually thought were cute, I used to post projects and call them animations when the characters were moving like robots. It was funny, maybe some people even thought in their minds “what is wrong with this girl?” but it was me. The real me. The truth is, I’m not the perfect, aesthetic girl who loves music and p2n. I know, I know, we grow up, we change, I know that, but I hate it. I don’t want to change. I don’t want to grow up. I want to be the same, innocent, silly girl who didn’t care about what others thought, I want to be the same girl whose banners were trash, whose banners and pfps had no overlays, I want to be the same girl who thought her doodles were a masterpiece. Scratch has changed me - sometimes I think for the better, but not now. I’m not Amina. I’m not Lucy. I’m not Fay. I’m just me. But the truth is I know I will never go back to the old me. Plus, the new me has gotten into more drama than the old me, I’ve hurt myself twice as more than the old me on this website. And I know, not everyone is going to like you, but this is too much. And the scratch team isn’t even making an effort to stop it tbh, they’re banning the innocent people, while the ppl who are causing all the adversity are roaming free, with unbanned accounts. Plus, not to mention the AI that scratch is using. It hasn’t affected me much, but soon it will. AI is taking over our world and tbh I don’t like the idea of that. I just want to leave overall, this site is toxic, demotivating, and so many more pessimistic things. My parents explicitly prohibited scratch. I’ve been sneaking it, and honestly, I feel guilty. I don’t care about being caught, I don’t care about getting in trouble, I just don’t like the idea of being insubordinate to my parents. I feel guilty, and the only way to wash that away is to finally listen to them, be the obedient daughter they deserve. And I’m saying this from experience - I wish I listened to them sooner. They’re right. I shouldn’t be talking to people across the country from me, for all I know I could be talking to a fifty year old (not saying I don’t trust you guys, I love all my friends sm but if there’s one thing I learned from life it’s that you can’t trust anybody) and we’re so seduced to sharing private information but we don’t even think about who we’re sharing it to, idek what people could do with pictures of me, my irl name, where I live, etc. Like I said, you can’t trust anybody. I love and trust my online friends I promise, but this is more of advice for everyone - not everyone can be trusted. But other than that, scratch is a terrible website. I hate to say so, but it’s true. I’ve grown to hate it. Tbh I’ve grown to hate everything, maybe that’s why I hate it, maybe that’s why I have such a pessimistic view on it, but I have my reasons. I have so many reasons, I really do. (continued in notes & creds )