- - - [ Disclaimer: Mentions of death and loss. Please do not read if you are susceptible to these subjects. ] - - - The thing about losing someone, is that you never really realize how much you'll miss them when they're actually gone. Emberlilykit wasn't much different. But she knew well what it was like to lose someone. Only, it was much worse the day she lost her two closest friends. Lily sat at her patch of sunflowers. The ones that Endlesscrusade had once ordered her to plant. But that wasn't why she was there. It was the last place she had seen Mushroomkit. She sat there, staring at them, utterly miserable. Maybe if she'd stopped her from leaving. Or gone with her to the medic den to stop her from making her fatal mistake, she would still be there. But it was too late. The last memory of her friend still laughed happily in her mind. So joyful. So carefree. So happy. They'd been talking of their future plans once they became apprentices. And it had been so wonderful. But those futures would never happen. Not anymore. Tears slipped down Emberlilykit's face when the thought finally hit her. Finally seemed so real. Then she thought of Topazkit. He was the one that she'd comforted when he'd lost his sisters. And when his friend began his journey to the same fate. Her losses had never matched up to his. Not until she'd lost him too. She looked down at the bush. The one that concealed a hole to their small hideout. The last place Em had seen him. She walked over and slipped inside, tears still spilling hard. It was empty. Dark. Clove leaves still remained at the entrance where Lily had dropped them to comfort Topa when he'd asked her to stay. The plant that had killed him. She walked to the spot where they'd lay together. Just being there for each other. Emberlily settled into where she'd stayed next to him, barely a day before. There had seemed to be unspoken words that day. A promise. That they would always be there for each other. Of course, it was only her guess. Not that it mattered anymore. Because Topazkit was gone. And so was Mushroomkit. And Emberlily would never see either of them again. Her tears spilled even harder. Something that she didn't even realize was possible at the rate she was already crying. But Em still didn't make a sound. She was only two moons old. But she had already lost so many cats. Her parents. Daylilyrise. And now Topazkit and Mushroomkit too. And in the mess and confusion of it all, Lily could gather a single fact; it wasn't worth it. The world was an awful, cruel place, she realized. One where cats couldn't afford to care for anyone else. It simply caused too much pain when they were lost. And it just. Wasn't. Worth it. Emberlily crawled out of the hole in time to see the sun dip below the horizon. A symbol of the carefree life that she had once led, turning to the darkness and despair of the loss she was dealing with. She remembered she had once told Topazkit that he couldn't spend the rest of his days sulking in the loss of his loved ones. But it meant nothing now. In the end, nothing did. The stars appeared and somehow the sky felt brighter. But not in a comforting way. Just a reminder of StarClan's new arrivals. The ones that shouldn't have been there. The ones that should have been down there with her. Playing. Joking. Laughing. All things that should have been happening with her friends. But they weren't. And they never would again. Emberlily wondered if her friends were looking down on her now. Watching her. Hoping that she wouldn't let this ruin her. Maybe one day, Em would learn to care for another cat again. Maybe this grief would one day leave her. If she let it. But for now, the sadness could stay. Perhaps it always would. - - -
