Adoration was a term meant to characterize acts of love. She knew this, of course. Adorationkit had known the meaning of her name ever since she was a mere newborn, crawling out and about in the bleak darkness of her unconsciousness. She'd heard other queens coo words of love, of pride, of comfort to their kittens. "I love you;" those were the words she'd always wanted to hear from her father. Three simple words of /adoration/. In the first moon of Adorationkit's life, Trianglestar had come into the den briefly with a gaze she couldn't quite read --- one of a sort of despondency and grief. Papa's eyes flashed across her and her littermates. The glowing, pupilless gaze didn't linger long on any of the writhing little kitten bodies; Adorationkit could remember from her bleary, teary eyes that her source of comfort hesitated to look at her in particular. Was it because of how Adorationkit looked? The frozenness of his gaze left her more confused than anything. The fawn-furred newborn tried to mewl out a plea; Trianglestar had left the den before she could even make a sound. The second moon, Adorationkit found herself dismayed that her papa didn't show up. The kit had learned to take her first steps and to talk in brief chirps with the queens who cared for her. So, so proud that she could finally pronounce "Trianglestar," Adorationkit wondered when he'd come to visit so she could show her how much she'd learned on her own. Much to her chagrin, she was left wondering. He hadn't shown up /at all/. Daisydarling had said he was just busy, that it was something about Adorationkit's late mother that made him act this way. At that moment, she'd begun to resent Starclan for not only taking her mother away, but her father's love. Adorationkit was a little more than three when one day, the tiniest speck of ash-dust worked its way into her eye. She'd cried blood-hot tears; she'd cried out for her papa. Somehow, Trianglestar had been nearby when it happened and had comforted her in a blunt, stiff silence. The gentle kitten didn't know what to think of it, but she savored the way his tail curled around her like she was his baby. She basked in the way he'd spoken to her at all, even if it was completely without emotion. That day, a dangerous desire flared to life in Adorationkit's mind. A dog doesn't yearn for steak until it tastes it for the first time. Once a salivating animal knows that a better reality exists, returning to its previous contentment with cheap kibble and dirt becomes impossible. Only then does a tame dog ache irrevocably for the wild. Now Adorationkit was the canine with its mouth foaming and fangs bared, who felt so desperately hungry for the first time, /ravenous/ for that forever-lingering, tingling warmth in her heart that lasted barely a moment, but a moment too long nevertheless. She vowed to be a daughter who'd make her father proud. With sheer will, Adorationkit learned to ignite a moon before most kits found their fire. Adorationkit sharpened her claws until they matched the tips of coal-black stalagmites. She tried and tried and tried until every part of her body, from her paws to her eyes to the very depths of her heart, was worn out, torn out from trying. It did /nothing/. Nothing at all. Not even an ounce of affection came out of her endeavors. With the loss of hope came the seeds of a newfound resentment. What was it that she didn't have? What was it that Trianglestar wanted? Was anything she did ever enough? /Would/ it ever be enough? The answer was no. The defeated kitten finally realized nothing would come of anything she did to impress him. With one last-ditch effort, Adorationkit figured she'd have to take the most drastic of measures: fight a snake and /win/. It was a rash decision. Do or die. And when she'd rise like the sun for her apprentice ceremony, she'd be a daughter worth adoring. He'd smile with utmost pride and declare her as /his/ Adorationpaw. And so she snuck out of camp that fateful day. --- "I-I'm a..al-all o-on m..my o-o-own now." A young Pyrocat, barely older than a kit, sniffled to herself weakly as she paced in the tiny confined space. She stared at her paws for a moment, floods of tears pouring out of her eyes like a bleeding heart. Somewhere deep in her tender heart, she knew she cared more about her papa's reaction to her being kidnapped than the idea of her being kidnapped itself. "D..d..dad..'s n-not g..going t-to r-r-rescue you.." she murmured raspily to herself, half bitter and half resigned. The young Pyrocat wouldn't /dare/ raise her hopes up higher when she knew he'd never care enough to come for her. She'd already been disappointed one too many times. Adoration was a term meant to characterize acts of love. Yet, right now, all Adorationkit could feel was /hate/. "Y..you're all on your own now," she muttered again, wiping away her tears. Finally, she stared up at the sky with an unadulterated, steely gaze. "No one will save you."
Art by @_blvehour (me) Design of Adoration by @quickstrike--
