hi i just uhm really need to vent so i turned it into a fictional story. the moral is realistic uhm. yeah. this is a story of a girl. right. here we go. 'What's wrong?' 'You alright?' Say, my eyes. You see 'em shrinking in slits. Say, can't you tell my hands are tightening with the second into fists? Still, even with a smile, a beautiful smile... Glittering teeth... Twitching, /happy/ eyes... you don't see it shake? That's as if saying you don't see my forehead, you can see to my brain. But no one can see my thoughts. Only when I lose control. That's when my eyes swell up. That's when my cheeks become damp. Normally, they'd stop at your hand on my chin. But where is the hand now? How come the room is empty? How come the air feels like fog in my lungs? How come I finish my sobs with listening to somber or even violent songs on repeat? How come, through it all, I smile? I laugh? I comfort others? How come, how come-- "Hello?" I immediately groan. What's the problem with neighbors? "What is it?" Then a hand pokes into my room. "I had a question!" A young boy around my age walks in. I know what it is, I bet a thousand bucks! How do you always smile, he'll say! "How are you always happy?" the words come out quicker than I can think. I try my best not to scream, because, stars help me, this is somehow worse! Ya' think I'm always happy? It appears all others see is a smile matched with my beautiful wavy blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes! Well, that is what I want to be.... That's too pretty though. Where's the blonde hair? Blue eyes? Nothing but smile? I want to say something super sassy to this comment, but I have been trying to be nicer. "I... am not always happy." I really want to be nice... but how can I control the anger? "No. You're always happy." The phrase seems so simple.. Phew.... I'm gonna lose my cool!! "Listen, /sir/!! I tell you I'm not always happy and you don't listen!!!! If you ask, think about the answer, don't deny!" I'm practically screaming now. Screaming, I say. My eyes are twitching. My insecure gaze looks exhausted above purple patches. I smile, my teeth clenched against each other. The kid shrugs and walks off. What. "Always happy, you say?!" I shout again, though he probably doesn't hear or doesn't care, but worth a shot. That's alone time for me. Very alone time. Suddenly, I remember that I forgot the door, and it slammed shut. Dark. . . . . . . Alone. that's it. no comments because this is mainly for myself.
