It has been 4 years since your passing, and I still miss the warmth of your hand when it touches my cheek. If I could measure how much I miss your presence, it would be beyond infinite... too impossible to scale. I remembered the times when we bought matching things... bracelets, scarves, even flower hair clips. The last thing I would match with you is your status. I want to be dead, together with you. I trust you all my life. I could tell you about my personal life, expressed struggles without hiding them, and was comforted when I had a bad day.... It was funny how you couldn't see the signs that I loved you... more than a friend....holding your hand whenever I had the opportunity to, embracing you for longer periods of time, and felt flustered when I was complimented... you thought it was just normal friendship stuff.... so I got too impatient and worked up my courage.. to say it.... to you. but You died. On my biggest day in my life, a storm was passing by without my knowledge, and it caused your death. Unfortunately... The only thing you left for me - technically, was your pair of glasses. It felt like a piece of you was still in there, and I kept them, because it was the only thing... that makes me feel that you're still there. I don't know how I'm supposed to live a normal life without you... all my problems have come back to me since your death.. I wish you were still here. I feel like.. the longer you're gone from this world, you are deteriorating from my mind and memory, like dandelion seeds being blown from it's stem. Since your passing, every picture of us, digital and on paper, has been old, and hard to see. I'm really trying my best to remember what your precious face looks like, but it's too troubling for me.... I'm sorry. My panels are kind of helping with it, but every time they make an image of you, or us... it doesn't feel right. Although you look no different from the naked eye, it feels like you are... missing some things.. that I knew were supposed to make you, but I couldn't figure it out, no matter how hard I thought of it.. I just can't make out what's missing from you. As I am getting closer to my end, I feel that.... I'm getting closer.. to you. I don't know if I should keep going.... I want to live, but I want to be with you too. This is the 1544th day of writing about you in this weary diary... I'll never stop, until my death.. I truly do miss you, and I love you... more than a friend, _____.
[The number of underscores does not represent the amount of letters in Lis's friend's name!] shipost
