vent </3

Instructions

my art is beginner-level and i've been trying my best for 6+ years now, a ton of artists that have only been doing digital art for like 3 years have much better art than me. and it SUCKS. I've been doing all the right things. taking every single tip I can from every artist. not a thing works. my art looks the same every time I try to draw something, yet I have no consistent style except "non-eye-pleasing". rarely anyone likes my art. there are 2-year-experienced artists who have more consistent styles that have way more followers and friends than I do. I feel like I only have friends on here because of shared interests. not because they like anything I create. I have no motivation. my creativity level is at an all-time low. I'm going through a really rough time. not just now. for the past year and a half, at the very least. I haven't improved. I want to write resonance rising but I JUST WANT IT TO BE OUT ALREADY. yet I can't force myself to work on it.......it's been 7 months since the last chapter and I haven't made any progress. I feel truly terrible and like I'm never going to get anywhere. people keep saying "it'll get better", but it's been like this for A YEAR. and I've hoped, waited, been SO PATIENT, and have been trying everything anyone's suggested to me, and nothing works. the only thing that I can do to cope is to find a new obsession. some new TV show to love to an unhealthy amount, to distract myself from the depression and constant failure. yet it always runs out. I'm running out of things to obsess over, and this time, my obsessions are giving me zero inspiration. and I can't buy a new video game I really want. I have no money. I'm just stuck in eternal boredom, never getting anywhere, never making any progress. I hate it. and I've prayed over it, and talked to God, but I feel like nothing's happening. I don't even know if I'm praying the right way. I stumble over my words, even mentally. my church tells me to "talk to Him" in order to cope but I'm at a loss for words. knowing that He already knows everything I'm going through, what am I supposed to tell Him? "Hi, how are you"? that's it? I'm terrible with words and I don't know how to build my relationship with Him. I have faith and trust in Him, but 80% of the time it feels like I'm talking to a wall. that I'm going insane. people say God is proud when you have good faith. I don't feel like anyone is proud of me, except my mom, who doesn't even know I'm going through any of this. she just looks at my art and says it's amazing because she doesn't draw, she doesn't know how to use a digital art app. some of my friends don't want to do anything with me except rant about their life. I try to show them my creative work, but they look at it for like 5 seconds and say it's cool, then they move on. I know they don't mean to hurt me, but it hurts. it doesn't feel like they– or anyone else– cares. I keep my emotions and feelings and insecurities bottled up at all times. I always want what's best for others. but no one sees me the same way. nearly every friendship of mine is one-sided. I'm everyone's big sister figure. why doesn't anyone care what I have to say? am I simply just a kind person to them, that they can talk to? a confidant? an advocate? am I not my own talented person?