If you don't know, I do one of these every year. My old ones I've unshared for some reason and that kinda makes me angry cuz I can't find them anywhere. I don't remember deleting them at all. I make these projects as a kind of time capsule (hence the name), so sometime in the future I'll look back at this and see what I was like. I also make these because I want to share my emotions silently without having to be dramatic or sound like I want attention. I decided that this year, I should go a lot deeper just because my mind is starting to feel more complex and hard to control. It hurts my stomach to keep things like this inside so I figured that I may as well post this.
Please do not judge me for my beliefs or thoughts. You may leave your personal opinions in the comments but criticism is nothing I support or condone. Posting this definitely feels weird but good at the same time. Feels like something I've needed to get off my chest for a while. When it comes to personal information like this, I don't really enjoy talking about it, but doing this every year feels different, in a good way. What feels even weirder about this is that I'm just not used to sharing so much private information that I usually keep stuck inside my head for it to eventually drown me out. I've cried so much today that I don't even think my eyes are capable of doing so again for another week. People see me as some "cute and weird boy" when I feel like I'm none of that. I hate how I've built myself. It's not me. Even if I change, people probably won't even like me anymore. Everything that I've shown public interest to is indeed something I actually enjoy, and will continue to, but that's definitely not everything. I'm worried about how my friends, teachers, or family will think of me if I really did change. I feel really weird. I've always been a weirdo. I do things most people would make fun of me for, and when I do tell my friends, they usually laugh and joke about it. I wish to be accepted despite the weirdo I am. I don't know what religion I'm in. I was raised Christian and that's what I believed in for years. I even used to go to Christian school. Now, I feel like I use my knowledge for the worse and now don't know what to believe. I see people talk about their religion which brings me to believe in so, then I get the thoughts and suddenly I'm an atheist again. I truly have nothing against religious people. I think it's amazing what they do. It just sometimes gets annoying for me when I feel forced to believe like so. I'm sorry for making you read so much but thank you if you did. I put lots of time into this and I hope this encourages you to let it out as well.
