Rant/Vent

Instructions

Okay- right now, I am- like- on the verge of a panic attack. Also, (somehow almost typed Alastor instead of also, idk what the hell just happened there? lol) something I've realized, idk if this is a good thing, probably not, but- since I first watched HH, and yk, got attached to Alastor because he immediately became my favorite character. I've realized, I'm a lot like him. (Something else I've noticed is when I get attached to a character, I see things in myself that are similar to the character.) For example, when I was in TSAMS fandom, my favorite characters were Sun and Nexus (Nexus is still my baby boy even though I'm no longer in the fandom) With Nexus, I related to him the most, the feeling of being shunned out by the people you thought cared about you, being told to act different, doomed love, (Yes, I shipped and still somewhat do, ship Solux/Candy Wolf/NexSol/Nexar/MechanicCode/etc etc) And a lot of other things. I have a Tumblr post about it (My user is Alice-The-Asexual ) it's a really old post, so you'll have to scroll down a bunch. But regardless, now that I'm in the fandom of HH, and being that I've gotten attached to Alastor, he's my favorite character, I love him a lot, I also kin him. Now, here's the things that Alastor does that I've noticed I do, plus things about him that I relate to. First off, he's asexual, I realized a while back before joining HH, that I was asexual. Also- now, considering Alastor is canonically a mama's boy. It was confirmed by VivziePop. Which I just absolutely adore about him, I love that he is a mama's boy. Now regarding me, I am in between, I tend to argue with my mom over stupid stuff, and sometimes that gets my dad angry, but I have a close relationship with both of them, but really, I'm more closer to my sister (technically my aunt because I'm adopted, but- my parents I have now are actually my grandparents, ik it's confusing) but I love all of them a lot. I am most close to my sister, but in terms of my parents, I don't know, I tend to joke around a lot with my dad and tell him stupid stuff, and on good days when both me and my mom are in a good mood, I gossip with her and talk. We do fun stuff. So, I'm alright on that part, I barely know my bio parents, I haven't seen them in about 14 and 3/4 years. The last time I was with them was when I was about 4 months old. Another thing about Alastor, is that, during season one, during the finale with Alastor's part, we see him pulling his hair when he's what looks like having a panic attack/being stressed, I do that, I pull on my hair when I'm stressed (mainly when I'm super really badly stressed because I'm constantly stressed, so I tend to actually pull a lot) or when I'm having a panic attack or when I'm frustrated. Another thing that I noticed a while back (about three years ago) is that, I tend to smile a lot, I smile when I'm super angry, I smile when I'm serious, I smile when I don't mean too and it makes it look like I take everything as a joke, I smile a lot, Alastor actively has a constant smile on his face, he's always smiling, Another thing is that, I have like- a **** ton of trauma, I hate being yelled at (like angry yelling, joking around yelling is fine) I usually tear up when someone angrily yells at me, I also flinch or tense up when people are mad at me. Another thing about Alastor that I relate to, is that, he canonically is fond over women, I am too, I get along with girls better than men, there's few men I enjoy being around (such as my friend Asher, my family <dad, nephews, cousins, grandparents, uncles> So there's also that! ^^" more things about Alastor that I relate to are, well- I'm a tad bit narcissistic, I care about my ego because I don't want to look like a total idiot. I also have partial PTSD. Daddy issues (my bio dad left me T^T) and a few other things. Is it healthy, NOPE! It is not T^T. Now, Today, I was and still am on the verge of a panic attack, I've been listening to my alastor playlist ( https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAebW02Ov7PdWOW-ErYZPC5lBFsARcxsc ) to calm down, it's somewhat working, but I'm still stressed and on edge. I'm really not okay, It's just, so much has happened this year that I am- i'm not okay, I'm so ready to put all this behind me. I'm over it. But- I have bad days, bad depressive episodes, and sometimes I act like everything is fine when it's not and when stuff gets really bad, I break and can't hold it and I become super depressed and stuff. It's funny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pELgsAGacE&list=PLAebW02Ov7PdWOW-ErYZPC5lBFsARcxsc&index=102 this one, with Alastor saying "trauma? oh you mean the reason I'm so funny!" I relate to that. XD anyways, that's enough, hope you guys have a great day! <3