I'm leaving..! I'm starting college and preparing for university so I'll be incredibly busy, which is why I planned on leaving around now. I only go on the studio out of a feeling of obligation and I'm not making friends like I did when I first joined. All the close friends I did make have left or are rarely active. I'm sharing all this because the studio has been such a huge part of my life over the past 3+ years. It has had a huge effect on me that I can't even begin to comprehend. It was the first online community I was truly a part of, and perhaps the last to the extent the 'hive was. However, a big thing that contributed to me leaving after only a year of managing was the horrible behavior on the studio. It's a minority of people, but it has made existing in this community pretty hellish for me (and everyone else, really). No matter how many people leave because of this, it doesn't get better. In a way I also forced myself to stay because I wanted to help deal with this but I can only do that so much until it begins taking a toll on me. That's all the important stuff, I suppose, but I also want to share some more personal thoughts (no pressure to read this at all, this is pure self-indulgence): I think that I thought being manager would make me more confident. It's hard to explain but I thought my insecurities and worries would go away, or at least not be as bad, but I found that all my problems followed me instead. Despite this, in a way being manager did make me improve as a person, but though effort as it didn't come easy as I had expected. I learned to be more responsible, to say my options, to be ok when someone disagrees with me, how to handle conflict. Overall it was a very valuable experience for me. And with how the managers are treated it has made me more sympathetic towards other people in leadership positions like us. I realise now that most people are really trying their best and usually don't do things out of malice. This turned into a personal-reflective essay but I like it that way. Thanks for reading!
