48 Hours to Get to Know a Person (Part 12)

Instructions

(...normal warnings...*hides behind bush*) Chapter 20: June Things that calm me: ~Classical music ~Nature ~Rain on the window ~White noise ~The soft scratching of a pen against paper ~Feeling in control... Tuesday, Oct 9th, 11:45am Out of every possible scenario, every worry or anxiety I had about coming back to school today... My ex k!ss!ng me? Was certainly not one of them. I'm so surprised that, for a moment, I freeze. I go completely still. Then, in the next moment, I remember that this? Is Penten. Freaking. Hayzes. The boy who broke up with me two years ago. The one who broke my heart so bad, I cried for days afterwards. And that was not the first time I shed tears during that relationship. Far from it. I let out a squeaking noise and push my hands against Penten's chest, trying to push him away from me. He holds me tight to him for one more second before letting me go. I'm blinking, staring at him like he's some sort of mirage that will disappear once I fully wake up. "June! I missed you." He smiles, his dark blue eyes sparkling, black hair flopping over into his eyes. My brain falters. "You-huh?" "I missed you." He repeats, dropping the blinding smile for a second and biting his lip. "It was awful, thinking you were d34d. I hated feeling like we might not have another shot..." "Another...shot?" He beams again. "At us! Together." He runs a hand through his dark locks. "I regretted it, y'know. Almost immediately. I threw away something amazing, and I hate that." My mind manages to pluck one thing reasonable out of my brain to say and I fixate on it. "What do you mean, 'another shot'?" I pull my hand away from where he was holding it and step back. "You broke up with me, Pen. And also ch34ted. Multiple times." "I was stupid. I messed up. Please, J." His eyes are imploring. "Can't we give it another go? They say you don't appreciate what you had until it's gone-I almost lost you forever. It opened my eyes." I bite my lip, looking away. He sounds genuine. But then again, he sounded genuine every other time right before he crushed my heart. I would be lying if I said I don't find Penten attractive. With his tall, broad build, black hair, blue eyes? He could be a model or something. But I don't really know him anymore. And I don't want to risk getting h^rt again. I'm also really, really bad at saying 'no'. "Maybe...maybe we could just try friends at first. See how things shake out." I barely believe I'm saying the words, even as I feel them off my tongue. Penten grins, white teeth glinting. "Of course! You won't regret it, J." Before I can tell him that I don't really like that nickname anymore-that I actually never liked it in the first place-he leans over and wraps me in a hug, a little longer and a little tighter than 'just friends' would entail. I'm blinking again, my mind spinning, my nose filled with the sharp, familiar smell of his cologne. I walk to my locker with slightly shaking steps, dumping in my books, all the while wondering if that's true. I feel like there is actually a very, very big chance I'm going to regret this. Chapter 21: Kai Times I have felt depressed: ~That day I accidentally k!113d a baby squirrel when learning to drive ~During the Titanic movie ~When Lily Hoppen from third grade threw my Valentine's flower for her in the trash ~Tuesday, Oct 9th, when I realized just how big of an idiot I am Tuesday, Oct 9th, 12:00pm Do you know that feeling, where your chest and your heart and all of your important organs are drowning, and you feel like you can't breathe and your lungs are about to cave in, but that's stupid, because you're on dry land? That's how I feel right now. Like I'm drowning. Except there is no eventual relief. I'm stuck like this, in eternal suffocation, unable to get the image of someone who is definitely not me ktssing June Avens. I am such an idiot. First of all, I don't know how I could've possibly kidded myself that I don't like June. Because right now, it's pretty darn clear that I have the biggest, fattest crush on her in the universe. Second of all-I didn't even ask if she had a b0yf2iend. Currently. Nope, I just assumed that she, like me, was single. Third...I feel like an idiot because it hurts. So. Much. And that's ridiculous. It's shouldn't hurt this bad to lose something you never had. Only it does. I chug my chocolate milk like maybe it can erase all my heartache. It doesn't. It just goes up my nose and makes me hack like a cat with a hairball. "You good, man?" Wyatt asks, giving me a concerned look. I nod, eyes burning. "Fine." "You're not fine. Trust me. I've got five older brothers, I know how to tell when someone's hurting." Sometimes I hate that Wy is so observant. Or that I'm so bad at hiding things. I swirl my straw in my drink miserably. "How could I have started liking her this much in two days. Two. Days. Only a little more than forty-eight hours." Wyatt tilts his head. "I don't know if this classifies as a 'like' scenario, Brooks-"