Ch 5 - Too Scared To Say It

Instructions

Chapter 5 - Monday: 'No, I'm too tired for this.' I whisper to myself. I rolled over and covered my ears. The alarm was just hurting me more than usual. I can't turn my camera on today, or tomorrow or FOR ETERNITY. If I see him, I'll smile and then I'll have to look away and.... 'Marilyn, are you getting up?' My dad called. *No, I don't think I am.* I think to myself. I groan and roll over again, but then if I say that he'll just ask why. What could I say? I don't want to get up, I'm too tired? He wouldn't accept that. And I definitely can't say I'll look stupid cause I have a crush. 'Are you awake?' 'No, I'm asleep. Leave me alone.' I sit up too fast and get spots in my eyes, I fall back down and lay on my back. 'Yes I'm awake. Don't wanna be though.' 'You need to get to the meeting!' He walks out and I lie there. My legs don't wanna move, cause of my nerves or just the normal half asleep sluggishness. My entire body doesn't want to get out of this comfy blanket. But I had to do it, or my mum would have to explain why I wasn't there and what would she say? I sit there in my seat as stiff as a plank of wood. I stare intently at the little square on my screen where Ethan's face will appear any second. There! He turns his camera on and I look straight at the teacher. I bite the sides of my mouth to stop the upturn of the nervous smile that I feel building on my face. 'Marilyn?' The teacher calls. I turn on my microphone. 'Here Miss!' 'Alright you can go.' I glance once again at Ethan, who seems to be looking at one spot on his screen. *Wish he had glasses,* I thought. *Maybe then I can understand what he's looking at.* I zone out as I think of all the times I had interacted with Ethan, back in those two years before high school that I had met him in person, visiting the school. Saying hi, having full conversations, not worrying about people thinking we liked each other. But then a new rule was made at the school for high school, that girls and boys had to play separately, that was the moment I realised things were changing. My brother wasn't any help either, I would come back from the school and tell stories about my day. Often they could include Ethan. As I had made a connection with him during those years, I would look to him, for his reaction, when someone was being stupid in the class and we would share a look. I had always known the day I would become more distant from him would happen. I knew I would feel more self conscious if I talked to or interacted with a boy, but my brother sped the process up. 'You have a crush on him.' He'd say, while I tried to protest. 'You always mention him, and no one else.' So to stop that happening, I stopped mentioning him, stopped interacting with him as much. The only thing I knew how to do when my brother would say this was shut down, keep that locked away. Then the youth group started. I wanted to go, I was an introvert, but I knew I needed to meet people. I came to the first meeting and everyone who wasn't there yet were called out, including Ethan. He arrived later during the meeting and in a split second decision, I turned toward him and waved from across the room. I questioned myself, why did I wave at him? I wasn't going to do that anymore, was something changing? He almost looked happy I waved. Did he like me back?.... My mind turned back to reality. Shut up! I told myself. You have a crush, not much you can do now. Stop daydreaming about the imaginary world where he likes you. 'Mellie...?' 'YUP! HOW'S THE CRUSHING GOING?' I look up to the sky. *Lord, give me strength.* 'It's going fine.' 'AWWW I'M SO EXCITED.' 'I don't deserve him.' I said writing what I thought. 'He's too handsome.' 'I'm sure he has a crush on you back!' 'I'm not even that pretty.' 'YES YOU ARE.' 'YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN ME!' I laugh to myself. 'I know you'd make a cute couple!' I groan and sigh. I must accept my fate, the fate I caused by telling Mellie I had a crush. I came back to the chat after lunch and decided to make a new one, with only the friends I can trust with this secret. Mellie, having been my biggest cheer leader for this crush and the first person to find out , other than my sister, was first on the list. She came on and we started talking about it. After a while, she decided to begin teasing me. 'Mary and Ethan sitting in a tree! (you know the rest >:).' I read the comment and let out a large burst of air. '(pls no)' I type. 'K' 'I' 'S' 'S' 'I' 'N' 'G' 'HEHEHE.' She replies, enjoying making me suffer.