Nighttime was always a peaceful time for Bitterpetal. She really never got to watch the sun sink over the horizon, as she typically didn't get out of the caverns much. But she could taste it - on the air, in the dankness of the caves. Physically, the nighttime was a gentle force, and as sleep tugged at her paws, she returned to her den. Snuggling up in the warrior's den was not a familiar thing to her. It'd been only a few moons since her ceremony, and she'd already felt like she didn't deserve the position. Her mind - and paws - brought her closer to the border, every single time. Soulfaith. His words rested heavily on her consciousness, giving the mere thoughts a physical weight in her head. Bit lifted her head to the overhanging cave, picturing the stars speckled out among the grainy bits of rock. The very muffled "drip-drip" of the cave water forming gentle puddles at her paws sickened her. This whole place sickened her. The Gorge was ever awake. Each small sound and movement echoed off the cave walls, the noises becoming an insufferable, ringing din in her ears. But lately, the sounds were becoming even more muffled, and regular speech was, too. Her own hearing - thinking about it reminded her of the conversation she had with Soulfaith, specifically about the things he'd learned. She mimicked the sign he'd taught her on the cave floor, pressing her paws on the ground and fanning them out. She gave herself a small smile. Her body suddenly ached for a look at the stars, her paws guiding her towards the opening of the den. She paused, looking back towards her sleeping denmates with a sort of fondness, the way a mother looks on over her kits. There was a sharpness in her eyes though - she noted the absence of her brother with a short breath. The larger part of the Gorge was undeniably cooler, much cooler than the inner workings that she'd been accustomed to hiding in. Her fur rippled along her sleek spine as she guided her paws easily through the tunnels, a route she'd traced thousands of times. /Click. . . click . . . click .../ Everything - the click of her huge claws on the stone, her breathing, and her fur rubbing against the sides of the cave walls as she zigzagged her way through the caverns - was intensified. Although it all slowed to a faraway hum as she tuned it out, set on finding her way to see the stars. Everything would turn out okay if she could see the stars. Finally, the mouth of the cave deposited a little downwards, then out. It widened to deposit her directly in the heart of the Gorge, but with the sky above her. With a gasp, her eight pupils sharpened all at once as she absorbed the majesty of the night sky. The cool air ruffled her fur, a calm, relaxing contrast to the overbearing cold of the deep caverns. Lots of condensed water, stalactites dripping water into running puddles - and worst of all, the snow pouring into the openings of the tunnels during the winter. She closed her eyes and shuddered at the mere thought of such a thing, not even exaggerating in the way she was terrified of it. She began a steady, steep climb up and out of the Gorge's grand containment. She watched the water run around the depths of the Gorge as she steadily and happily walked to see a place where the sky had opened up a bit more. Millions and billions and trillions of gorgeous, shimmering stars danced in the inky blackness of the night sky. It was a painter's careful canvas, a breathtaking beauty that most failed to appreciate. She would pause every few minutes to examine the sky for the moon, then continue walking. Eventually, as she clawed and walked and scrambled and scurried around, she realized the only option was for her to go up. She examined her claws - they were naturally orange, and a little stained with dirt, but their sharpness and dagger-like capabilities were obvious. A grin flickered over Bitterpetal's usually calm features as she placed her forepaws onto the rock, then began ferociously digging them into a bare spot on the side of the Gorge. The sharp stone cracked and partially split as she hoisted her back legs up onto the stone. It was an excruciating climb. With every breath, she could feel it reflected off of the stone back at her, her claws slightly losing their catch on the stone. As she climbed, she realized her skills in digging were quite helpful for the horrific climbing she was enduring. With a sharp heave, she pulled herself up onto a kind of ledge. "/No, no, no!/" She looked up and examined the more she had to climb - MUCH more, before she could reach the surface. With a gritting of her teeth, she rested on the ledge, but when she was ready, she dug her claws into the stone and persevered. She only wanted to feel the glow of the moon on her brown fur, to watch its cold ivory light bathe the world around her. Cursing the soil to the stars, she scraped and scraped up the mountain. She was young, and a bit more apt at digging and climbing and using her claws than +
(continued from instructions, read that first!) she were at hunting or fighting, and she took great pride in that. Bitty looked up and saw she was nearly at the top of the Gorge. The moon had already peaked its descent into the sky and was beginning a steady crawl back to the horizon, a silent retreat. "No, no, /no.../" Bitterpetal gritted her teeth so hard she thought they would chip or crack. But she continued to strain herself all the way to the top of the Gorge, to feel the freeness of the moon. With a last mighty heave, she shoved back against the crumbling rock at her back paw and dragged herself onto the ground above. A little grassy, a little less rocky, but still quite gorge-esque in color. Ignoring her surroundings, Bitter instead chose to focus on the moon. It was the most peaceful she'd ever felt. The tension and pain released from her shoulders in an instant as her orange pupils dilated in the dark, her ability to see in the dark having already worked in her favor. She observed the half-moon with a sort of reverence or pride. It was simply a celestial object, something unexplained in the sky. But to her, it was everything in that moment. The ground could've literally crumbled around her and she would have no idea. After a few moments of silence, she began observing the stars, the way they danced and twinkled throughout the sky. She muttered names to herself, names of fallen warriors who'd trod these grounds many, many years before, and pinpointed each of their stars. Finally, when she ran out of names, she came to a halt at a particularly bright star. "Who are you?" she asked it, immediately feeling embarrassed. Now she was talking to things in the sky. But the star continued its flickering dance, so she repeated, "Who are you?" All of a sudden her stomach did a flip as she remembered two names she neglected to include in her list: her parents. Sure, Saintoath was technically the one who raised her, and yes, she owed him a lot for keeping her alive. But in those blurry moments, all those moons ago? Who was that, staring down at her? Who had left her behind? "Mom . . . Dad?" The words were already out before she could store them away, lock them up, never to be spoken, never to be thought. "Mom . . . Dad." Those were revered titles in the Clans, maybe more so than leaders. To take a Clan's life in your paws is horrible enough, but to have a kit's life instead is arguably worse. "Mom . . . Dad." Her voice cracked as she half-whispered the names. All eight of her eyes were blurry as tears welled up and blocked her vision. As she blinked, they dropped from the corners of her eyes like rain, coming to a brief stop at her chin before dropping to the ground and soaking away together. Her shoulders shook. And she was crying. "Who are you?" She repeated the question, over and over, a shaky phrase, steadily gaining volume and tempo. "Who are you? Who ARE you? Who ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU?! WHO ARE YOU??!!" Bitter was fully standing now, screaming at the stars. The wildlife around her blurred into a cacophony of beautiful colors swirling around into a symphony of light and vibrant color and movement and- Dizzy and defeated, Bitterpetal dropped to the ground, her ears drooping like the petals of a wilting flower. Tears continued to stream down her face as the stars above her flickered. The night sky gave no answer, but it kept her question. It would always keep her question. Never answered, but always contained, as were many of her previous questions. The anger and sadness dropped out of her instantly, the scrambled face of a long-lost mother poofing from her mind, replaced with a sideways look from Saintoath. Then, the star she'd been watching flickered and vanished. The brightest star in the sky had ceased to exist, like a fire having been flooded with water and rain. Tears dried on her face as she saw its last little rays of light fade into the depths of the universe, though how far away, she'd never know. Bringing herself to her paws, she shook herself off with a short breath. But as she leaned over the edge of the Gorge warily to see how high up she really was, she teetered away with immediate shock. There was no way down from here, only around and in. But then a new face flashed in her mind - a familiar one, his green eyepatch ever covering an injury from long ago. Soulfaith. The Barrens wouldn't be too fast, too hard to navigate, right? She'd travel across them easily. She allowed herself one last glance into the cavern she'd always called her home. Whether it be the last or not, she couldn't tell. But her claws dragged on the ground as she journeyed away from home, farther than she'd ever been before, the horizon lighting up with the sun's warm glow. -- writing and design by @UrWolfy26 This was really fun to write <3 Bitterpetal confronts herself and her past in the stars, and then seeks the Dustrunners for guidance.
