Please read slides before continuing. Chapter 7 - Wednesday: Um, no, I think I'm too tired to do this today. No chapter of my life for you and definitely not one on Friday. Why should I tell you about my life? It's my life. I never asked to develop a crush on someone I saw as trustworthy and kind and amazing, wait, this sounds like the start of a chapter, NOOOOO- I just wished I could tell him that I liked him. Maybe if I contacted him via his school email, I could tell him I wanted to talk and we'd both be more ready for Friday. No, I hadn't talked to him in ages, if I came on and said, 'Hey Ethan hru? I would like to talk to you on Friday.' What would he think? Would he agree? Or would he go why? I realised my name was being called, and that I had been looking at Ethan.... 'MARILYN!' I jumped, but responded, 'Here!' 'Good, please make sure to finish all important daily work before the holidays.' I left the meeting. The holidays, I'd forgotten it was the last week of term! The last day of school was the day that my stomach butterflies didn't wanna be there for. The Friday at the end of this week was the end of the term, the youth group, the first time I'd talk to my crush in ages and the first time in nine days that I would talk to my irl friend, Joy. I missed Joy, I wanted to have a meeting with her on Saturday to talk more. Last she said she couldn't find her computer charger, but now I didn't know if she'd found it or not. She was probably not talking to me because she was busy, she had a lot of things in her day. I however did not, and I was happy about that, especially at this time, my twisting stomach probably wouldn't appreciate dancing right now. I stared at my computer, I was on my personal account, but soon I would have to go to my school account.... If I went to my email there, would I have an email from him? Did I want him to email me? Maybe he was as scared to tell me as I was him. Yeah, I was hoping he'd like me and say it first. But now, I was questioning myself, did I still have a crush? My emotions were everywhere, what if I had liked him and it was a short lasting, but heartbreaking crush and now I was just hoping. I went to my school account and as I expected, as that was reality, I had only one email from a teacher. I opened my book and wrote a checklist; 1. Say hi 2. Ask to be friends 3. Ask for contacts (give yours first) 'You got this far?' I wrote. 4. Talk like friends 5. Wait some days 6. Tell him you have a crush (If you even do) 7. Faint I giggled, that probably wouldn't happen. *Imagine it did!* My brain said. *If that happened, everyone would come over and be checking if I'm okay.* I replied, plus he probably wouldn't even catch me like in stories. *And what's the problem with that?* I imagined my brain pouting. *I'M AN INTROVERT YOU IDIOT.* I waved my arms, luckily no one else was in the room. *It would probably be really romantic though!* My brain made me zone out of reality enough for me to tilt sideways. I catch myself and scold my brain. *Don't do that!* *Do what?* My brain asked. *MAKE ME ALMOST FALL OVER! And please, don't keep fantasising that I like him, cause I don't know.* I rushed to my room and rummaged through my clothes, those jeans, that shirt. WHERE WERE THE SOCKS? I placed my shirt, jeans and socks down on my bed. My outfit, whether I talked to Ethan or not, was ready. *I mean, it's alright.* My brain said begrudgingly. *Finally, you're making some sense.* I snapped back. I grabbed a claw clip, put it in my hair and looked at myself in the mirror. I took my glasses off to have a tighter hair style, but now the lower rim of my glasses weren't hiding the dark spots under my eyes. *You're kinda ugly. Ya know that?* My brain said. *Oh shut up.* I place the glasses back on. *So you're hiding the sleepiness now?* *Shut it right now. I ALWAYS DO!* *SO YOU ADMIT IT!* I shoved my headphones onto my ears and the voice magically shut up. I sat silently eating my steak, staring at it as if it had caused all my troubles. I mouthed, 'I hate you' as if that could fix everything. I sliced it as brutally as I could. Once I finished my food, I walked to my room and sat on my bed and put on my headphones. What was I gonna do? I didn't have my friends to talk to at the moment and I didn't even know if my crush was still my crush. Did I like him anymore? I felt like my feelings had lessened, I thought I liked him, but now I wasn't so sure. Maybe I just wanted to have a love life so much that I did have a crush, but it wasn't a real, big one. 'I don't know anymore.' I whispered and lay down, the tears coming out like a waterfall. I let them fall, but tried to hold in the whimpers and gasps. I curled into a ball. (Ch 8 obviously will be tomorrow)
