Ch 8 - Too Scared To Say It

Instructions

Please don't attack me, check the slides. Ch 8 - Thursday: The day before the big day where I was going to try talking to my crush was the day I doubted liking him anymore. I wanted to crawl into my blanket the moment I saw his face. Ethan was such a lovely guy, he didn't deserve to have to deal with such an indecisive, tiring annoyance. What was I going to say to Mellie? What could I even do? Logan and Mellie were such good friends, and I didn't want to have to break the news. And what if I changed my mind? Once my name was called, I left the meeting and walked straight out of the room. As soon as I got to my room, my heart sank lower than any time I missed out on something I had planned for. I climbed into my blanket and started crying in my pillow. The only thing that could have made this worse was if I had gotten the monthly annoyance today or tomorrow. But, as my friend, Mellie, had said, even if I didn't see it applicable for this problem, I would try to be positive. Maybe my stupid body was doing a flow and ebb sort of thing and I did still like him, it was just at the ebb. Maybe the emotions would come back, tomorrow or Saturday. My sister came in. 'Are you okay?' She asked gently. 'Does it look like I'm okay?' I asked through sobs, still crying into my pillow. 'Okay, I'm sorry.' She left. My sobbing was muffled by the pillow, but I still tried to hold them in. All I wanted to do was cry, life was too painful and I wasn't even getting annoying monthly pain. This emotional pain in my heart felt nothing like the monthly pain, but made the same outcome, crying and hugging myself. I sat there in my room, staring at the wall. If it wouldn't have been so weird and if we had any, I would have taken ice-cream from the freezer and shoved that stuff into my mouth. All I really wanted to do was understand the emotions ripping my heart apart, piece by piece, section by section. I wanted to know if I had even liked Ethan in the first place. I lay down and closed my eyes. I shoved my headphones on and put Queen & Poet by John Michael Howell on loop. I let myself just cry, I drew whatever my mind wanted to. I waited until no more water came out, until my chin stopped wobbling. I sat up and wrapped the blanket around me. I went on the chat, but no one else was on at that moment. I commented about something that would be sad. When Logan came on, he asked why it would be sad. 'You'll have to find out T^T' I said. 'Oh, I see. (r u ok?)' 'Not completely, no.' '(Pat pat) It'll be okay in the end Mary' I started cry)ng, '( ≧Д≦) (actually almost sobb)ng) ' 'Why are you cry)ing?" I explained all these thoughts and he told me to take a break. 'Okay.' I said sadly.