I was watching the One Kid's Room 2024 for HAN, and I've never felt so seen and inspired. he reminds me of myself in so much ways. his experiences hit so close to home in a way that scares me but also comforts me so much. I've always felt like im not enough. music is one of my best outlets. even that I doubt myself with tho. there's a lot more I want to say. I don't know how to word it though. to put a long story short, HAN is one of the most relatable idols ever. he makes me feel like maybe I can make smth out of my passions, regardless of the obstacles (namely my mother and my own doubts) I just aim to feel happier like he did. I want to be satisfied with what ive done. im tired of constantly worrying abt the future. it's like im in an endless loop, though. my problem(s) is/are I feel like im losing who I am from standards. stuff I once loved bring bad memories now. I just want freedom. I want to do what I love, love who I love, and be who I am. it's hard, tho. I feel like I try to be like other people who inspire me sometimes because it feels better than realizing who I rlly am, I guess. what never changes is what I truly love tho. and I can't have that be taken away from me. as long as I repress these feelings from everyone irl, I doubt much will change. Im scared for change and I hate conflict, tho. I wish I knew what to do so I could be more at peace. all I want is for someone to tell me they know im not fine. I want to be able to vent without worrying if im being a burden. I want to be myself without being judged. I hope it changes somehow. but I know that's up to me. I wish I had someone to guide me. I wish I could convince myself that im only human. I can't be expected or expect myself to handle it all sometimes.
