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As kids, maybe you shared toys, built elaborate pillow-and-blanket forts in the living room, and banded together against your parents’ “tyrannical” rule. With age, you became sounding boards and confidants. In fact, just thinking about your brother or sister has you feeling all the feels. If this describes your sibling relationship, count yourself lucky. Not all brothers and sisters are built-in-best friends. In fact, many people cut ties with family members, and some are even estranged from a sibling specifically. These patterns can include bullying, ridiculing, manipulating, dismissing, ignoring, and even being physically intimidating or abusive, explains Dr. Jamie a trauma-certified therapist. “If you feel fearful or on guard, or as if you’re often the target of that sibling’s anger or the butt of their jokes, you’re likely responding to toxic behavior.” One need only look at the relationship between Prince William and Harry — rife with accusations of physical attacks, planted media stories, and more — to see what some of these patterns might look like playing out in real life, and how they can wreak havoc on a sibling relationship. Having bad blood with your siblings not only hurts, but it can also mean missing out on the positive effects brothers and sisters can have on everything from academic achievement to empathy to mental health. Signs you’re dealing with a toxic sibling So if your relationship is filled with a ton of family drama, it can be harder to reconcile. It can also be a sign of toxicity. Here are five unhealthy patterns to be wary of. 1. They’re overly critical. “Children that live with criticism learn to condemn, and they start by criticizing their siblings,” Dr. Jamie says. So if your parents doled out biting remarks the way Oprah handed out gifts on The Oprah Winfrey Show, then that approach may also become second nature to your sibling. No one really knows you like a sibling you’ve grown up with, which means they know exactly which buttons to press to rile you up and unleash all your fury or insecurity. So when they’re constantly picking you apart, pointing out your “flaws,” and hurling sharp criticisms at you, it really stings. 2. They’re manipulative. At its root, manipulation is an attempt to control, and your sibling can use all kinds of manipulation tactics to get their way. Perhaps they’re always playing the victim, where they can only see their own hardships. Or they frame a particular incident that makes them look more favorable. It could also be scenario-specific. For instance, maybe when you travel or go out, they’re always guilting you into putting your credit card down for the bill because you make more money. 3. They’re dishonest. Consider dishonesty as an offshoot of manipulation because your sibling is lying to get their way. Yes, some deceit is natural when you’re young — like fibbing to say they didn’t eat the candy that they clearly did or that they were at the library after school and not with their boyfriend or girlfriend. But there’s a line that, when crossed, is cause for concern and can be “indicative of a child who grew up in a home where their truth really didn’t have space to breathe,” Dr. Jamie says. Here, “The person learns that in order to be accepted, loved by the family, they have to tell the family what they want to hear,” and thus are never working from a place of honesty. 4. They’re repeat offenders. It’s one thing to identify toxic behaviors. It’s another if you’ve ID’d said behaviors and brought them to your sibling’s attention and they continue down the same path, anyway. If the latter is true, that’s a definite red flag. For example, maybe you and your sibling have bimonthly dinner plans, and every time you meet up, they drink copious amounts of alcohol and then berate you. “Now if it happens one time, you can say, ‘Oh, that person’s having a hard time. They drank too much. They didn’t realize it,’” Dr. Jamie says. “But if that behavior continues to happen, then we know apart from alcoholism, they’re engaging in verbally abusive behavior with their siblings, and using alcohol as a kind of scapegoat.” 5. They’re overly competitive. Toxicity in sibling relationships can manifest as jealousy and competition and can be rooted in feelings that a parent prefers one child over another. Those relationships can be rife with resentment and prevent strong sibling bonds from being made. They can also pit you against your siblings as you work to outshine them, or vice versa, to garner the recognition you feel you’re missing.