Click flag and read this v v v ============================================== So my church had a summer camp for the youth, and we played against other youth groups from different churches with a surprisingly wide variety of games and competitions, from Bible trivia to water polo. I didn't play anything, but I did get to cheer my heart out (hence putting my hydration bottles to good use xD) and be part of the second E in the word "RENEWED" with my team (I'll get back to that..). This year, our team color was purple (we made a tiny bit of noise when the "no purple" rule was covered- and then someone had to say it!). Our team name? Violet Vortex. The first competition was a skit for our names- ours was acting out the different names we debated on before we'd decided. From the Purple People Eaters to Barney's Bodyguards (of course we came up with better, but yes, those were options!) to skit-declaring our final decision, we won! (Our final line was our team saying or whatever you call it: "If you feel it, CHASE IT!") While everything was great, we had a fun time and all of us as teams loved each other, our youth pastor before we left said this among other things: "Care more about your altar time than your team rank." You can bet I certainly did- the morning and evening services we had, especially the evening ones when we were tired from everything, running around sweating all day, were the best parts of the week. Like at the end of the day, Jesus is the best part. But what was ironic is our team was Violet Vortex, and I felt like I was getting caught in a storm again. Like I was in the eye, and the edges kept hitting me just right. At the worst moments, every single one of my past struggles began coming back to me. Fast. I knew God had declared healing, freedom, even victory over F.E.A.R. in my life, but it felt like I was slowly slipping into those dark places again, wondering if there really was a way out. Am I really free? If I've really been healed, why does it still hurt? If God Himself has declared courage and boldness over me, why am I still afraid? What am I even afraid of by this point? Am I just having another relapse? It's real. It's so surreally real. Some days, I spiral so fast it's crazy. Honestly, I've struggled with F.E.A.R. alone for such a long time that it's way easier than I thought to slip back into endless cycles of doubt and insanity. Like, why and how did I ever get out of my own head? I can't. I never could. But you wanna know the best part? Jesus knew I couldn't save myself. I'm telling you, accepting Jesus into your life is the best thing that could ever happen to you if you ever make that decision one day. Jesus is the best thing that's ever happened to me- I'll say one thing, if I'd never known Him up to this point, I have a good feeling I'd either be gone, barely hanging on, or loving everything I hate (believe me on that last one..). But even after I became a Christian for the first time, part of my journey has been not only realizing what Jesus saved me from, but, especially with F.E.A.R. now, realizing how much I need Him. On my best day and my worst day, I still need saving sometimes. (continued in notes and credits)
Big thanks and praise the Lord for "Champion" by Bethel and "Praises" by Elevation (ft. Chandler Moore)- I got introduced to that second one at camp this week, and we sang both of these in two separate services. And you know what? These are literally like the victory songs over all the ways God moved in my everything this week. I've always struggled to overcome F.E.A.R., and struggle with standing on the words God has given me to stand on this past month or so. This past week and even weekend has been such a wild, volatile rollercoaster of emotions for me. I was so extremely desperate the final night for this seemingly unending cycle of F.E.A.R. spirals to end. I never thought that night would be the night I confessed my deepest F.E.A.R... I was a complete wreck. Everything came out broken and messy. That was the hardest moment I've ever had in my life to push through. But it doesn't matter how I got it out. That was the night God broke my storms apart. Listening to what He said to me through others praying and speaking His truth over me was like having the life pumped back into my veins. God says I am HEALED. God says I am FREE. God says He has given me AUTHORITY over F.E.A.R. in my life. So why should I F.E.A.R.? When David took down Goliath, he didn't just hit him with a stone. David beheaded Goliath with his own sword. God's spoken words over me this past month have been the stone knocking my F.E.A.R. down. The last night of Summer Camp was the night He finished what He started in me and made sure it was dead. I just needed to step out and give it to Him- it's been so hard but so worth it. The best part of the entire week was that same night the whole way through- I mean, I'm still in such wild, borderline disbelief. It wasn't just another dopamine rush or calm from numbing feelings again- ohh no no. For the first time in what feels like forever, I finally, finally got real, sweet peace and joy back into my life. ZERO F.E.A.R. Oh my gosh. It has never felt so good to have that back and not be so afraid to just accept it! Of course, I'll still have to face this daily- over the weekend, I started spiraling again. We made all Hell rage this week, and we know it. But I've been reminding myself (and God's been reminding me) that I have authority over this. He's given me something to stand on, and this time I'm starting to. It doesn't matter how loud F.E.A.R. screams. On my best day, I'm better than ever. On my worst day, I'm better than ever. I am in every way VICTORIOUS over F.E.A.R. in my life, and I owe it all to God. <3 Speaking of victory, another way those past few days have been the best in my life next to the day I accepted Jesus? Apparently, it's true- almost every single year, our church loses. I never, ever saw it coming, I am still baffled. WE WERE #1!!! xD With the T-shirts and the original camp sign to prove it, wow, I suppose we really did come out this past week victorious in pretty much every way. Hallelujah- not just for the team rank, that's for sure! Hope y'all are having a fun, amazing, blessed summer so far (even if it's doing nothing xD)! God bless! - Poodle
