[TW: implied seizure, seizure recovery, mentions of death] PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION. IF THE ABOVE ARE TRIGGERING TO YOU, DO NOT CONTINUE. PLEASE CLICK OFF THIS PROJECT. . . . . . . . . . . . . it had been a few sunrises. constellationkismet laid in the medicine den, tears rolling down her face. it was just a few minutes, why did it feel like forever? more importantly, why did it still feel like it was lingering? it was over. she was safe. fear in the end still won, the anxiety it would happen again looming over stella’s head. how badly had she scared her friends? her peers? stella’s tears kept falling at the thought. she knew just how close to the edge of the stars she had come, and now… well, there wasn’t really a now was there? constellationkismet was alive. she was thankful for that. stella turned her paw over, looking at it. clammy with sweat. a feeling settled over her. the moment she was trying so hard to forget. it washed back over, with something new, and possibly worse. despair. it wasn’t the first thing that hurt her, but it wouldn’t be the last of what her body had to throw at her. it was not going to get better, was it? stella’s tears soaked into her fur, even heavier, a mix between laughter and a deep, agonizing wail of despair escaped stella. how could her body have betrayed her like this? first she couldn’t sleep, then her body made even basic functions hard and painful, now… now it pulled that. wailing turned into painful howls, as stella realized her future was being stripped away from her. she wanted a mate, kits, to defend her clan, live to sleep away her retirement in her golden moons, like her mother did. she wouldn’t be able to have any of those things, would she? and if she did, it wouldn’t be for long. “mama…” stella wept before she could catch herself. suddenly stella was small again, crying. a big paw wrapped itself around constellation. “constellationkit, hunny…” stella looked up with wet purple eyes to be met with a blur where her mother’s face should be, “i’m not in trouble am i, mama…?” “of course not love…” “but i’m hurting! and everyone else is so mean to me!” “life is rough, my star, what matters is standing up to it.” “ but… ” stella jerked, finally escaping her mind, not without finishing her sentence. “ i… can’t stand.” stella started to shake, her emotions going high once again. constellation wanted her mother, wanted to wrapped in a warm embrace, while being reassured. constellation knew her mother was gone, she watched her mother being returned to the sea after all. there was no one to give her what she so desperately needed in the moment. constellationkismet curled up into a fetal position, trying to imagine herself back to the world where everything was okay. where she didn’t feel sick. where she had support. where she was loved. it didn’t work, as she only continued to see the darkness in between where her head lay. a force that controls the future. that was what her suffix meant. yet she had no control. she saw her own kismet clearly, and that only meant one thing for her. despair.
