First ||| https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1331674161/ Prev ||| https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1335318933/ Next ||| https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/xxxxxxxxxx/ We’ve been putting food by his door. Sometimes he eats, sometimes he doesn’t. Orchid says it’s normal, that it’s mostly for him healing, but I don’t think he’s healing. I think he’s letting himself go crazy. I think he’s trying to fulfill my request. I haven’t seen his face in a long while. It’s been about a month. I couldn’t bring myself to write anything down anymore. It got a bit better, but I still feel guilty. I was the cause this time, and now he hasn’t eaten in 4 days. We’re going to check if he’s still alive tonight, when we’ve mentally prepared ourselves. Orchid says she’s going to be okay, but she hides her pain behind a smile that never reached her eyes. I was talking to Cupid the other day, he was almost set on him being alive, but at least he’s there for if I need to talk about it. He’s open, always holding my hand when I look like I need it, or just generally being a good guy. It sounded like he knew. He said Penn always bounced back, even if one of us had been stupid. That him not eating wasn’t a sign of weakness, but likely of strength. I didn’t believe him, but it’s nice to know that he tried. I rest on his shoulder sometimes, when nights hit me especially hard. He lets me, wraps his wing around me, coos, even. I like it when he coos, it’s always calm and protective, not to mention there’s a vibration in his chest and shoulders that are comforting. He often seems to forget a lot of things, but one thing he always remembers is that people matter. Clearly something I forgot. Angler is also quite nice when it comes to this. He always says that it wasn’t my fault, even if I think it is. It’s always the same “Jessi, it’s okay if you think it’s your fault, but please know it wasn’t. He was destined to crack someday” and I keep that in mind. He really was destined to break soon. I just didn’t think it would be in my 2nd day here. Rakhil seems to be more worried than I am, though. She paces, rants, freezes up, does all the above, and I think she’s just on edge. She hasn’t talked to me about it yet. Maybe she resents me, I think she does. She’s always colder. But it’s okay. Because the man on the other side of Penn’s door doesn’t eat anymore. We knock on the door and there’s no answer. But tonight, we’re going to see if he’s dead or just ignoring us. Tonight, we see if I killed him or not. Tonight, we see if it’s my fault. Orchid made sure to remind me that it wasn’t. But I know it’s my fault. I remember what he said, the greatest sin is making someone feel like they don’t deserve the beautiful gift of life, or even what comes after. It bites me. Cupid knocked on his door. He didn’t answer, not at all. Not even a ruffle in blankets or anything. He opened the door, seeing no one. He pulled me in front of him for some gods unknown reason. But he lingered behind me as we looked through the room. The bathroom. We didn’t see anything originally, but we had seen one thing, Penn’s fingers, slightly curled, at rest. My heart dropped. “PENN!” Cupid shouted, pushing past me to rest the possibly dead man against his shoulder. “Dude, I knew we should have checked on him sooner, it’s all my fault—” “Cupid, it’s not your fault.” I looked over to the man I probably killed, hollowed out expression and everything. “He’s probably… asleep.” I wasn’t very confident in that though. I’m 90% sure that dude bit it and the last person to ever talk to him told him to do something horrible. Orchid shook her head. She crouched down, feeling Penn’s cheek. Her expression hardened. “He’s cold.” “Well, what do we do now?!” Angler crossed his arms, he glanced at the man on the floor, which seemed lifeless to me. “He’s not dead.” I whispered. He couldn’t be dead. I’m not allowing him to die when he as so much to live for. I took the man, dragging him to the window. “If he’s dead, then he won’t wake when he passes the barrier. That thing shattering scared the hell out of me when I first did it.” “You’re stupid, Jessi.” Angler looked at my pitiful attempt to get him to surge back to life. It really did look stupid, a dead man halfway out the window with a woman who was more than half dead. “There’s no way that will wake him up.” I already pushed the man out the window. He fell before breaking the barrier that I broke a month ago, then he was out of our sight. I glanced over at the 4, all stunned I even tried such a thing. Cupid immediately jumped after him, so did I. I think the other 3 stayed because they were wimps. We fell before breaking the barrier, much like Penn had, and landing in that exact same field I landed in a month ago. Déjà vu if I’ve ever seen it. Penn’s body hadn’t laid limp. Instead, it sat on the grass, headwings flicking and his presence flickering with every movement made. He was alive.
Cupid went to hug him but was pushed off, so he lay next to Penn with a small smile on his face. “Penn! We thought you died.” Penn didn’t say anything. I took a seat next to Cupid, both of us now watching the man who almost lost his life. “I mean, you were alone for a month, and you stopped eating…” “I know.” A faint whisper in the chorus of winds that surrounded us. “I figured.” He didn’t look at us, just remained fixed on the world going on around him. His hand raised to the world, then promptly lowered. I felt that pit in my stomach grow. This wasn’t supposed to be happening, what was supposed to be happening is Penn was okay. He always looked okay. “Are you okay?” “No.” He whispered, running his hands over the grass like it could calm him down. “Not really. It’s been difficult.” Well, no dip. I wanted to say that, but I didn’t. Gone for an entire month and he mentions isolation is difficult for a naturally social species. Sounds sad. He looked back to us, eyes a pool of white instead of their usual black and brown tint. “You look upset.” “Penn, we’re worried.” I blurt, maybe I should have left Cupid to say that, but none the less, we still look at each other like we were ghost, probably because we thought Penn was dead and Penn probably wanted nothing to do with me. Penn’s grip tightened on the grass. His breath was heavier than the atmosphere. I hated this so much, I think I would have preferred him being dead, so I didn’t have to have this conversation with him. “Why are you worried.” He emphasized the ‘you’. He made sure I knew he was talking about me. Didn’t even say it as a question, more of a statement. “Why did you have to worry?” I pushed the surprise down in my system. I didn’t need to explain why I was worried. Thank gods Cupid pushed in before me. “We’re ALL worried, Penn! Do you think you just disappear for a month and not have everyone worried?! You’re one of the only people we have left, Penn! I don’t want another wisdom god, I want you! You’re sweet and caring and considerate, hell, you’re even really pretty. I don’t care about any other wisdom god baloney you’re going to give me because you’re right here. You’re the best one we’ve gotten!” “If I was the wisdom god, then I could have started creation by now.” Penn glanced toward the city. “But I’m not.” “Okay!? And?! I don’t care if you’re the wisdom god, god of hunger, god of death, god of WHATEVER! You’re my friend!” Cupid gripped Penn’s shoulders, shaking him a bit. It earned a small smile from the angel. “And friends kinda gotta stay for each other. That means friends kinda gotta not die.” “He’s right, y’know. Friends need to stay together. Even if we fall, we still have at least someone behind us. If you’re at the back of the pack, we’ll take you hand.” The dying man gave a quiet sigh. He didn’t say anything more, didn’t even thank us. But he did look out into the cold, January night then back to us. He smiled briefly. “Just know that everything we do has a reason. One small change in the way you act can make a lot of people worry about you. I know you didn’t say anything on how people care, but just know that we care. You gotta stay here and care for yourself and others! Otherwise, what resides in limbo? Guilt? Regret?” “So, stay alive? Please?” Cupid looked like a little kid when he asked, but judging by the look on Penn’s face, everything was going to be okay. Cupid finally got the hug he was asking for, and for once, Penn didn’t seem untouchable. Just a broken little angel. Maybe that gave me more grace than I had originally thought, because being something like him isn’t unachievable. Just difficult.
