So, as you know, I've not been working on my object shows much lately. I think the reason why is that I tend to look at the whole episode and go "Dang, that's a lot of work." and it drains my motivation, instead of looking at it in chunks. But I feel like I'd be able to work on them if I did it differently. Differently how? Well, basically, putting in less effort. I don't want to give lower quality, as you know, quality over quantity, but at this point, it's either low quality, or nothing. But I still have standards! And honestly, this alternative would probably take MORE effort, since how I was thinking of doing it is drawing every frame, instead of doing it in vector. The lower quality aspect of it, however, is the fact that I likely wouldn't color it. [Some harder to draw characters might also appear less, or I'd just use their vector and turn it into an outline] I could do it like that, OR, I could completely scrap the visual aspect of it, and just write it like a book. Now, I know that not all of you can/will use Ao3, so don't worry, I'd still post it on here for you guys! I just feel bad for not feeding you guys. Another note is that R.I.P 2c and 2d are finished, so you'll still get a visual for those! There's one final thing I'd like to mention. It's not related to R.I.P or any of my object shows, but I feel like I should still say it. Because, y'know, it's healthier to share your feelings than to bottle them up- but anyways. I feel... lonely? Abandoned? Left behind? Forgotten? I feel like I'm not seen or heard, I suppose. I mean, just look at the views on my 3 most recent projects. 2, 4, and 5. Ironically the one with the most being the one that asks for you to ignore it, though it IS the oldest of the three. But now look at my followers. 177. 177 people have enjoyed my work enough to follow me. Yet I only get 5 views after 20 days. I get that Scratch's following system SUCKS to see if people have posted and stuff, but it still doesn't feel great. I'd understand if I only had 5 followers, infact, I'd be overjoyed to get that many views with those few followers! It's not the views itself, but the ratio of views to followers. Now, I wouldn't care about the views either if I got comments. But I barely get any. I am a very social person who loves to talk [it's literally in my username!], and I love to answer questions about my things! But everyone is gone. I look around and I feel like I'm in a barren wasteland. I look at one of my Scratch friends, 165 followers, 12 less than me, and within a day they get more views than I got in 20. They get comments. Their chatroom has so many of them. It's kind of ironic. They're jealous of me, or at least in the way that they get jealous when I hang out with other people or stuff like that, and then here I am, jealous of THEM, and how much attention THEY get. I may have not vented before, but I've reached my limit. I never vented before, because, I didn't want pity. I didn't know how things would change. I didn't want you to see me differently. But I know that if I don't share this, nothing will change. These feelings are what I showed in this Though, that PMV is a bit more broad, including how I feel like I'm being lazy, about school too, not just Scratch. I won't go all out. I won't ace every project [I do well on school tests though-] I won't outdo all the rest. I WILL pout, though in silence, keeping it to myself. I WOULD settle for second best, because I'm feeling like I'm nowhere NEAR second best. I DO stop when it gets to be too much. I didn't lose my cool. I DO flop, well, my projects, getting so few views. And I do question who actually cares about me. Would anything change even if I did manage to make an amazing project filled with effort? The main part of that PMV that fits what I'm venting about, is the part with "Maybe they'll just have to learn to be jealous, watching me shine like a star." Just, flip it. Change "they" to "me". That's why I drew it like that. Me, holding a singular notification, looking over at the many that other people get. Another part I'd like to mention is the part "And if I hadn't earned a dollar, what would you think of your dear daughter? Would it be pity or dishonour?" followed with "And if I failed to earn blue ribbon, how could I ever be forgiven? Tell me what love would still be given from you?" And I know that despite the name of this project, there's probably going to be nobody actually reading it. The only reason I didn't leave the title blank [that seems to get people to worry and click on the project], is because of the first half of the project. Explaining my plans to keep you guys happy, actually posting. Maybe, I'm not as active on Scratch not because the projects feel overwhelming, but because nobody cares anyways. Why bother posting if I won't get any views? Maybe that's the real thing that is draining my motivation.
