I have a really bad mental state right now. Like, REALLY bad. Trying not the overshare, but sharing the info that i want to. I can’t handle seeing my dad. It makes me physically sick and it makes me have migraines. I’ve cried multiple times when talking about him to others because the mention of his name (or at least what i call him) in my mouth is so nerve wracking in my brain. But sometimes i need to bring it up, and that’s when tears come flowing out. My parents are divorced, and have set up a plan where me and my brother switch between each house every week. Every week at my dad’s house feels like i’m struggling to survive. I can’t go down when he’s in the living room or kitchen or anywhere that isn’t closed off cause he can talk to me. So i stay cooped up in my room until he leaves or is asleep. That’s right, asleep. I usually don’t eat anything at all until 2am. Because i know that he’s not going to be awake. This leads to my horrible sleep schedule at his house. Not my mom’s, only my dad’s. I’m awake at night and only have any sort of sustenance at night (I am really hungry rn ToT) and i fall asleep until like 3pm in the day because i was awake so much at night. I have no motivation and i feel burnt out even when i never do anything. I joined a bunch of the scratch artfights thinking, “oh, i have all the time in the world!” When in reality my brain doesn’t want to work. This might sound absurd, like, “why starve yourself just because you don’t want to see your dad? You’ve seen him all your life, after all.” He changed after divorcing. Now anytime i see him… well, it’s just hard… and i quit therapy because i was never going to open up to a stranger getting payed to hear my problems and try to fix them, so i tell my mom, who can understand cause she divorced him probably for similar reasons. It still doesn’t change things. The parent can call the police on the other if they’re seen not on their week with me other my brother. I’ve ghosted my dad enough where he’s aware something’s up, so he checks MORE on my door which i can’t handle. Please don’t ask why I can’t see him, because that’s a different territory entirely.
My mental state And btw im at his house right now Im hungry ;-;
