Notes: This is a rant. Has some more complex themes, and don't really read unless 13+ ig Feel free not to read. This is just me ranting Things have been rough lately tbh.. Lots of personal stuff has been happening, and my relationship with my parents has been rockier than usual. But above all it's been my body. I am biologically, female. And most people in real life think I use she/her only. (Only 2 friends know I'm genderfluid) so I feel very much treated differently. I have to brush my hair everyday, add hair product, wear makeup or I'm 'slovenly' but if I wear to much I'm a pick me or absurd. My dad once said I looked like a clown. It was years ago, one of my first times applying makeup but I still cried so hard. That was a lot of years ago. It still makes me feel tiny. I hate when people judge how I look, when people say I look sloppy when I spent 45 minutes on my hair and face. Anytime my hair looks nice, it's just frizz within 3 hours or less. I break out in acne because i'm stressed and I can't sleep, and even a single zit keeps me awake for hours. I want to eat healthy but then I'm never happy. And above all I have a stupid period. I got it first the day after my birthday, how messed up is that? I've had my period for a little while now and it's still so, so, so unstable. I was on my period for all of April. Most of May. And only a week of June could I go to the pool, hang out with people, not bleed through my pads every day. My OBGYN says it's normal, my body is still figuring stuff out but my period sucks so much out of me. I am never happy, and now I finally have been invited to the pool by more than 1 person and I can never go. I just know my friends are thinking that me saying I'm on my period must just be an excuse because that's not how it works. But for some reason that's how it's working for me... I really, really, wish I was a man. I'm not trans. It's just men don't have periods, can't give birth and are far less likely to be assaulted. I'm paranoid, analyze every action, I'm constantly stressed, see the double standard everywhere and all I want is simple, but seemingly impossible. I feel like I can't really talk to anyone in my personal life. I don't know. Don't take this as medical advice. Or any advice. If you read all this, I don't know. Congrats. This is just- me writing stuff down, ok? Sometimes you gotta cry. About stuff. And my per1od has actually meant I've went to the pool only once, and I've said no to at least 12 offers. I'm constantly uncomfortable and miserable because of it.
i don't know, take some crappy art.
