I had two pets. My dog Rocky. And my cat Loki. When I was a good chunk younger. I saw one of Rocky's last moments. On the kitchen floor, struggling to breathe with all of us, his family surrounding him. My sister was sound asleep in her room... That was the last I saw of him before my family took him to get put down... Poor guy... The cat on the right is named Loki, and he's still doing alright... This is a tribute to my past... And all of my memories back there. Everything before 2023, was wonderful... The year I joined here. Was also the year my life... Before; something. Happened to me... With everything that's gone wrong... I still want to live...
I don't resent kid me. My relationship with my past self, and my past name is... Unique? Unlike, a lot of trans people. It wasn't apparent that I was trans as a kid. Even too me. I was actually content and happy being male, and wondered to myself why people chose female skins in games despite being male... It'd be nice to go back. I really would. But I wouldn't want to stay. Just a quick visit is all I'd want. I don't resent him. Not in the slightest. He had a nice life. Let him rest. For only so much longer can I keep puppeteering his corpse. His name. His face. His body. Yet I lack still the courage to be reborn anew completely. It'll still take time. (A.) was nice. He was smart, kind, curious. He is where I get my interest in horror from. Late at night, he'd watch horror youtube video after horror youtube video. He'd always be scared out of his mind, and have nightmares too. But he'd keep coming back... Right here, right now. If I went full "Male". If I kept my old name and face for a year or so. I think I could manage... But... I'm not doing this for me... If I think about the future. MY future... Her future... If I ever, image myself as male... It feels... Wrong... So utterly wrong. As if my skin is backwards and the air is inside out. I'd have a family. But there'd be this growing... Resentment building inside. This... ME, that needs to escape. But I could not let her out in time... I can only... Image myself as a woman. A mother, a sister... Truly. My future is female. And I am female too. But my past... He's male. And that's okay... He is he, and I am Me. That's still okay... If I could go back in time. I'd sit down and ask kid me if he wanted to hang out and watch some Markiplier or Game Theory... (A.) Died 4 years ago... Yet nobody knows... Sometimes I miss his world... But all good things will end. And from their marrow and carcass's. Flowers shall bloom in the fertilized soil. I am a flower. I am (D.)
