what makes of an imprisoned mind?

Instructions

… … … … coralchalcedony urchinclan [ it/they ] hungry. the feeling had never felt so alive. hunger. the word was foreign, but it had grown to learn it. hunger felt… strange. like… a wave. a wave of desperation washing over it, drowning it in uncertainty and fear. swallowing it whole. hunger sounded like children begging. hunger felt like tears running down its face. hunger was both strong and fragile simultaneously. hunger was a darkness that tried to consume them. but even being able to describe hunger, hunger seemed like a mystery. it was something it couldn’t understand. something that it couldn’t name. something that couldn’t be solved. and if it couldn’t understand, how was it supposed to prevent? how was it supposed to help? how was it supposed to have a purpose? its paws were cold, numb, and glued to the ground beneath it. from the corner of its eyes, it could spot cobwebs coated along the edges of the rock and brush that formed its den. its prison. for a moment, it was able to catch a single wisp of hot, lingering breath. as if it was a quiet reminder that time was still ticking, that the world was still revolving. it felt so small. there was nobody in the den. but strangely, it felt a presence. like a shadow still looming over it. like a ghost of the past, like memories coming to haunt and mingle with its vision. its claws slid out, barely. it couldn’t bring itself to leave them unsheathed. that was against its morals. it pulled them back in, pulling its chin to rest on its right shoulder. after all of these moons, it couldn’t break its values. it couldn’t disobey. it couldn’t go against the law of this clan. it had to love this clan. love its clan-mates. love each and every form of life, for they were all valuable and precious. it had to do its best to help, and it had to take responsibility for any wrong it might do. it had to push itself to protect, push itself to be stronger, push itself to forgive, push itself to stay in its place. and even if no one would understand why it must do this it had to continue. it had to smile when the worst came. and it had to continue to seek out what is right, what is true, and what is good. did it ever get tired? did it ever want a break, perhaps a chance to run free in unexplored fields, a chance to gather its thoughts? of course. did it ever want to be able to control its own life? did it ever want to become someone it loved? .. of course. but that was stubborn. that was insensitive. that was prideful. that was selfish. the thoughts were sweet, though. like dripping honey from an olive branch. like a bush of berries. and the thoughts pulled it back, inviting it to rest. inviting it to be able to think freely, to be able to shovel and encase itself far away from all of the cats that might need its help. and it had to decline. but the hunger.. no. if it did the right thing, it would be a good cat. if it was a good cat, it would be loved. if it was loved.. perhaps.. just once.. all of its efforts.. would have been worth something. and then, it would have a purpose. then it would know. then it would understand. it would have an answer..! and the thoughts would stop. and the questions would stop. right..? their gaze shifted, growing dizzy as they forced their eyes to squeeze shut, causing a dark abyss to sweep over the dim blue of the night. there had to be an answer..! there had to be a reason for all of this..! there had to be a reason behind why the world was created..! why it had to do this..! a.. a reason it existed.. what.. was the reason it existed..? why could it understand others.. but be cursed to never understand itself? because if there wasn’t a reason.. then everything… everything.. itself.. it would all be for nothing. … they wouldn’t allow this to happen. well. they couldn’t allow this to happen. they couldn’t allow the darkness to consume them. if they allowed this, how would they ever escape? how would they.. fulfill… … … there was no purpose to fulfill, was there? ..no! that wasn’t right! they had to refuse! or.. or.. no.. it pained them so much… they needed the answers. and the darkness seemed like the only one who would listen.. to their cries.. what was their purpose? what determined wrong from right? what was their true meaning of joy? who created the forest? why was the forest created? why did they exist? what is the truth? what is the right thing to do? who should they listen to? why did death exist? why was the world created with such malevolence? questions… upon questions.. upon questions… …more questions…. but.. how.. how much longer until it all ran out..? how much longer until they would no longer know themself? who were they? who were they before they became.. this..?